I want to be a lab rat

Years ago, an acquaintance of mine had revealed that she participated in numerous medical studies.  In essence she was the human lab rat used for sleep studies, eating disorders and even some bizarre device testing.  At first I thought, how amazing that she is so committed to the progress of science that she would subject herself to this "inconvenience" and even potential danger.  Not so fast, she was in it for the money.  

Once I thought I would partake in such an experiment.  It was at the university and you had to be between 21 and 65, scuba certified and willing to spend several hours a day in closed quarters.  I think it was to test some type of nitrogen effect.  Anyway, I thought I would be helping the scuba profession plus I would feel kind of worthwhile doing my part for education and science.  I'll grab a book and sit for a few hours.  My brilliant husband downloaded a photo of the place I would be sitting, actually crouching in.  He also brought up the claustrophobia factor and asked if I was crazy.  When you put it that way, maybe this isnt for me. 

Now I found one that would work.  Looks like the Medtronic's wired defibrillator may be replaced with wireless sensors.  I want one to replace my pacemaker.  So how do I volunteer for the test?  Guessing there is not a Seattle hotline that you call to say, cut me open and replace my pacemaker.  I am thinking if I can get this done, while they are in there maybe a stomach lipo and breast lift wouldn't be too much to ask.

If you don't see me for a few weeks but notice my photos from Seatlle, you will know I figured out how to get this done.

Fidelity Gene?

Great news ladies, scientists have isolated the fidelity gene.  Now instead of just taking our chances with the guy we fall in love with, we can check his DNA to ensure he will be faithful.

Maybe it is a bit early to be too optimistic for our proverbial daughters.  But researchers in Sweden have identified a gene which can be related to commitment and even extrapolated to determine happiness in one's marriage.

Even better, it appears that the brain can be trained to resist temptation.  We may want to brush up on our biology texts and revisit some of those clinical testing procedures from college.  The studies have shown that flirtatious fantasies may be more threatening than just a simple diversion.  Scientists are using video games to practice being faithful and then to test subjects via subliminal messages (apparently using real women is unethical.)  Now we find a real purpose for the Xbox and PS3.  Who needs Dr. Phil?

I found it interesting that the article mentioned sharing a victory together as bringing you both closer.  Love this idea. Seems so simply.  Tonight I think we will attack the kid.  Not sure that will help our parenting skills, but hell we are focusing on marriage now.

Table Etiquette Hint

My husband and I had a formal dinner party to attend the other night.  As we are sitting at the table when I see him make the "ok" sign with both hands.  I asked what he was doing and he told me it was a helpful hint to remind him which side his bread dish is on and which side his water glass is on.  You see the left hand makes a "b" so bread dish is on left and the right hand makes a "d" so his water drink is on the right.

After about 5 minutes of mocking him for needing a childish table manners hint at our age, I forget about it. 

A few days later I am attending a fund raiser breakfast with a good friend.  I remember my husband's "trick" and begin to tell her about it.  I start with "You will not believe what he did the other day... ".  Keep in mind I am kind of making fun of him (albeit with love).  Well my friend spins to me with a shocked look on her face.  I think something happened.  She proceeds to tell me that it was SHE who gave him that helpful hint and that she always uses it.  As my face is turning red she adds a roll to her the bread plate on right.  I correct her and we both break out laughing.  She humorously reminds me that the trick does not work if you are dyslexic.

So here is your helpful dinner party hint (try to do it without anyone noticing).

Birthday Wishes for My Brother

Today is my brother's birthday.  I was thinking how I could really convey his essence to this audience while giving him tribute.  It was difficult, but here are my top 10 favorite brother moments!

10.  He dresses as an elf to humor my toddler son one Christmas.  Note he wore green tights and very skimpy red speedos, not to mention the point boots, hat and little jig performance.

9.  While traveling back home from South Africa for work, he failed to call his wife noting he would be late. This prompted an all out family distress search including contacting his boss, the police and even the state department.

8.  He has a great fear of his own blood, therefore a carpentry accident causing a chunk to be removed from his finger, also resulted in the big guy passing out.

7.  As a kid he would sneeze uncontrollably with just a sniff of pepper.  One Sunday dinner, his sisters made him sniff the pepper shaker.  Although this resulted in a a punishment for all of us, we could not stop laughing as he could not stop sneezing.

6. He is a great dad; throwing fully themed birthday parties, building zip line connected tree houses and basically being a kid himself.

5. When his wife was still his girlfriend, she broke up with him.  That year he wrote us all sincere, thoughtful poems.  What a sensitive guy.

4.  Never afraid to play with his appearance:  Dyed his hair platinum, pierced his tongue, tattoed his arm/calf.

3. Ridiculous business opportunities from kitchen remodeling to using the kids as slave labor in a water scheme.

2.  Coffee dates. He drinks vanilla cappuccino with three sugars.  He listens, gives advice even if unsolicited and basically makes me feel better.

1. Lunch.  Lunch with him, any time, any where results in consuming great wine and laughing hysterically.  Present a photo to any waitress in the Amherst area and they will recognize him with a smile.

Happy Birthday luv!

A New Driveway

Two years ago, our neighbor's gutters were clogged and leaking onto our driveway in Niagara Falls fashion.   Because of his inability to address the problem for said two years, we experienced giant pot holes dictating repairs.

After several mind blowing quotes, we were able to book a company to remove the blacktop, remove the underlying concrete, re-pitch the driveway, pour new concrete with a border and basically make our driveway beautiful.  Yesterday they began.

I don't want to be too optimistic, but I love these guys.  First of all they came at the time they stated they would.  Big plus and unusual for the contractors in the city.  Next, they were clean, articulate, friendly and communicative.  WOW.  They worked non stop all day, left when they said they would, accomplished what they said they would and the areas was left clean.  Could I be more impressed? If they continue, I am writing a great recommendation!

Conversely, my neighbor is a bit of a pain.  He is the one who came over after the October storm asking if we would split on installation of his new fence. Long story short - we gave me some money and he did not install a new fence, simply fixed the old.  Next he asked for me to pay for tree removal on his property.  I said no. Then he came to tell me that my gardening skills basically sucked because I would not garden around his side of the house like the former neighbor.  Now while working my driveway is torn up, he wanted to send his sewage through my drainage pipe so that he would not have to pay to fix his own.  I have been as accommodating as possible, so as to be a good neighbor.  DONE.

So here is what my driveway looks like today.  Keep your fingers crossed so that it doesn't rain and the cement can be poured!

A Self-Reflecting Mother's Day

Yesterday morning my husband asked me what I thought about being a mother.  I thought odd question.  My son is everything to me and I couldn't love him anymore, but how do you really describe being a mom?

It's not at all what I expected.  It is so much more.  When we decided to have a baby, we thought another person becoming a part of "us".  It would complete our little family.  Who would have known how all encompassing it is?  Probably other mothers.

Although I fulfill many roles (daughter, sister, friend, wife, etc), mother is the only one that I really feel every part of the day.  It wakes me up in the middle of the night.  Yes I still go to his room at 3 am to check on him.  I hit the alarm thinking what he should have for breakfast.  I look forward to seeing him open his eyes when I wake him for school. This lasts all day with my noticing things he may be interested in, or listening to music he likes or thinking about how he is doing on a test or in lax practice.

Does this end?  I don't think end, but the intensity will probably change.  I can't image not worrying about him everyday.  Now its adolescence, school, sports and always health/safety.  Later it will be college and work and his family.

I was speaking to a friend who choose not to have children.  He asked how that could be worth it. What he doesn't understand is that one hug, or smile or wink recharges the batteries exhausted by weariness and worry.  My baby's laugh this morning will keep me going through forgotten homework, messy room, and poor attitude.

Catch Phrase

I have adopted a catch phrase.  For much of my adult life I have found myself in situations where I just didn't have the right thing to say.  You know the times when you are asked to do something you just don't want to do, or you are given that backhanded compliment, or you are confronted with that subtle insult.  Rather than replaying the moments later and fantasizing about what could have been said, I decided I needed a quick transitional response.

So I will share this with you.  "Be that as it may".  Simple, right?  On first glance, you may think how is this a good phrase?  It is a polite, non-confrontation segue way, that cannot really be argued.  It can stop the conversation dead or it can give you enough time to leave.  It can stand alone, or you can finish it with some creativity.

" Honey, I can't believe you are wearing an 8".  "Be that as it may, I am having dessert" is so much better than saying "shut it you fat cow".


"You know the teachers of the honors classes are so much better than those teaching your son"  "Be that as it may, he is learning a great deal" is so much better than saying "your son is an idiot regardless of his teachers."


"The committee fundraising is down this year and we need you to donate $5k" "Be that as it may" while holding their glance and walking away is so much better than "Am I ever more than a checkbook to you?"


Try it.  But remember overuse will diminish its power.

My Dry Cleaner

For the past eight years I have been using the same dry cleaner.  It's not that they clean the clothes any better than previous dry cleaners, it's the fact that they make the process so easy and dare I say pleasurable.  They provide colorful bags labeled with your name, automatic billing and rush orders if necessary.  But most importantly, the girl who manages our location is fantastic (and the only reason I do not use their door-to-door service).

I probably visit the dry cleaner twice a month with two very full bags of dirty clothes.  Today I was greeted with my favorite manager and although we have always been cordial, today was the first time we had an in depth conversation. Like my friend Sarah, I enjoy meeting and talking to new people and my dry cleaner is a perfect example of why.

What I learned about her in our brief 10 minute conversation:
- She is about 15 years older than I had thought
- She is non-judgmental and extremely observant
- She is a diligent and conscientious worker who takes pride in her store and appreciates the owner's confidence in her.
- She recently had to fire some terrible workers and she was really affected by it.  She wanted to give these kids a chance and took both personal and professional efforts to make them successful.  Unfortunately, it sounds to me like she was taken advantage of.

This short conversation with a relative stranger (I mean I don't even know her name) made me think about the lives of the strangers around me.  Regardless of technology, there really is no substitute for person to person interface.

Being Right

We have lived in this house over 8 years, which means that he have walked past this particular tree on an average of 4 times per day.  I love this tree as it is absolutely beautiful with lovely pink flowers in the spring, greenish/red apples in the summer and bright green foliage in the fall.

At least that is what I thought it looked like until I mentioned something to my husband.  Apparently, he believes the tree blooms twice a season with white blossoms in the summer. There is no way.

As absurd as it may seem, this has become a bit of an argument.  Now I could wait until the end of summer to prove my point to him.  That he is again wrong and not as observant as I am.  Or I could do the research on what kind of tree this is, what the blooming habits are and even go so far as to look at old photos taken in our yard over the summer.

The sad part is he's usually right.  I could swear that I saw something one way, and he proves me wrong via photos or collaborative agreement by friends and family.

It would be so easy to just concede and forget about it, of course after the lecture on my poor visual skills.  Research will take hours and really is it worth it simply to make sure I am right?

After much deliberation, I believe yes it is worth it.  Must prove I am right and be given the vulnerable "I TOLD YOU SO" award.  Off to the research desk.

Some Advice for our Politicians

I watched "Real time w/Bill Maher" yesterday and heard a great comment.  Susan Eisenhower, of the The Eisenhower Group, describing the recent attitude of the Republican party stated

"Anger is not a public policy prescription."

Few Hours with a Friend

Are you fortunate enough to a have good friends?  I am not talking about the number on your Facebook page, I am talking about that person (or those people) who really means something to you.  I am lucky to have some great friends, but one in particular stands out today.

We will call her "Skinny T".  She has been my dearest friend since we were in kindergarden, when being friends meant wearing the same clothes, watching the Thanksgiving Day parade together and laughing in class. It's because of her I am married to my husband and its because of her I always have someone who I can confide in, trust, laugh and cry with.  Although she lives about 5 hours away and we don't see each other often, she is truly my closest friend.

This weekend she was in town for a family event.  Unfortunately, family commitments trumped our time together but we managed to share a few hours. Its been about 40 years since we were together with chicken pox or newly pierced ears.  Now she has two beautiful daughters (who I love like my own), an amazing husband (who sets another fantastic male role model for my son) and a happy life.  Seeing her this weekend made me realize how much I really miss her and how important she has been to me.

My son has some terrific friends.  Sometimes I look at them and try to determine who will be his "Skinny T".   I want to convey to him that Facebook friends are not friends.  Its not about the quantity its about the quality.

So here are some photos of my "surrogate daughters" with my son, my closest friend and of course I couldn't resist the photo of me and my baby :-).

Winning is Better

I have never been much of a sports person.  My athletic career consisted of synchronized swimming in high school and dating jocks in college.  Not sure that counts as a Division I sport.  That's not say I am not competitive, I am to a fault.  I just never cared that much about sports.  My son has changed that.

When he was  in lower school, all the kids made the team and the team lost a great deal.  It was fine, because it didn't matter who won or lost...blah blah blah.  Even in the beginning of middle school, my son wasn't a great athlete so I really didn't care.  Again, that has all changed.

In the past year, he has become quite good and thanks to his phenomenal coach he really cares.  This makes him try harder, which makes him better, which makes me an obsessive parent.  It is better when they win, especially when your child contributes to that win.

I am afraid I am becoming a crazed mother of an athlete.  So far I have kept it under wraps, simply screaming light encouragement and smiling.  But its getting tough, because underneath it all I am cursing out refs, eyeballing the other team and giving my son telepathic sports advice.  Oh yes I need him to be more more aggressive, we need to win.  Take no prisoners.

I get it now.  That  rush when our team scores, especially when the goal was made by your kid.  I am thinking playing time and workout routines.  Last night I reviewed game stats.  What is happening to me?

It may be time for me to get some help, before I come out of the closet as a psychotic high school sports fan. Call the doctor.