Not Just Cool, Spectacular

My son thinks I am "uncool".  He thinks my husband is "cool" but I am apparently the old mom who just doesn't get it.  It shouldn't bother me at all except that I have been forgetting what I used to be like.  With an upcoming birthday and a complete confusion on the future, I have been feeling old and uncool.  Until this weekend.

We had a visit from a friend we have not seen in about 14 years.  Back when my husband was a resident in Detroit, our closest friends were T and D.  We dealt with the the trials of the hospital, the ugliness of Detroit, as well as laughed at the characters, enjoyed the concerts and even vacationed in San Francisco together.  After 5 years we all went our separate ways and unfortunately just didn't keep in touch.

It was terrific seeing T.  We spent the entire day, night and early morning drinking, laughing, reminiscing.  He helped me remember that I used to be full of energy, busy, fun.  At one point he told our son that we were totally cool, back then and now (ah that was without a prompt).  My son rebuked.  But no T. persisted.  Not only is your mom cool, she is spectacular.  Did you hear that blog-o-sphere?  I am SPECTACULAR.

Most likely that comment did not change my son's way of thinking, and T. did have several cocktails by then,  but it renewed and revitalized me.   Why can't I be just as entertaining and energetic and interesting as I was?  Why not refrain from the nervousness, the fear and the complaining?  It's a new day and I am feeling good.

I miss our old friends and look forward to seeing them again soon.

Few Hours with a Friend

Are you fortunate enough to a have good friends?  I am not talking about the number on your Facebook page, I am talking about that person (or those people) who really means something to you.  I am lucky to have some great friends, but one in particular stands out today.

We will call her "Skinny T".  She has been my dearest friend since we were in kindergarden, when being friends meant wearing the same clothes, watching the Thanksgiving Day parade together and laughing in class. It's because of her I am married to my husband and its because of her I always have someone who I can confide in, trust, laugh and cry with.  Although she lives about 5 hours away and we don't see each other often, she is truly my closest friend.

This weekend she was in town for a family event.  Unfortunately, family commitments trumped our time together but we managed to share a few hours. Its been about 40 years since we were together with chicken pox or newly pierced ears.  Now she has two beautiful daughters (who I love like my own), an amazing husband (who sets another fantastic male role model for my son) and a happy life.  Seeing her this weekend made me realize how much I really miss her and how important she has been to me.

My son has some terrific friends.  Sometimes I look at them and try to determine who will be his "Skinny T".   I want to convey to him that Facebook friends are not friends.  Its not about the quantity its about the quality.

So here are some photos of my "surrogate daughters" with my son, my closest friend and of course I couldn't resist the photo of me and my baby :-).

First Date

Oh how I used to love the first date. All that anticipation and expectation. Once you are married, the first date is a thing of the past, unless however you consider the ever-so exciting couples first date. The couples first date is just as it sounds, the initial social outing you and your significant other have with another couple. Much like the first dates of your single life, the couples first date calls for some preparation as well as anxiety.

Last week we were fortunate enough to get asked out. We received an invitation for dinner from a couple we have run into a number of times over the past couple of years. Although our brief encounters have always been enjoyable, we hadn't ever scheduled a formal time to actually go out. It may sound crazy, but I was pretty exited. Certainly, we do not lack social interaction, and we frequently spend time with good friends. But just the thought of different people with unheard stories sent me back to my single days. Those first dates as a single person demanded so much: manicure, hair stylist, the perfect outfit, conversational preparedness. The much easier couples date requires that you remind your significant other what not to say. "Stay away from religion, sex and politics." These topics provide for the most engaging conversations with our friends - but the other adages stay true when you are first dating it.

As we enter the restaurant to meet the other couple, it occurs to me how poorly this could go. Those second thoughts creep in. Should we have a back up plan? The excuses coming pouring into my mind: new babysitter, early morning appointment and the all so useful headache.We have been on several couples first dates that have ending very badly. One of which involved me, accompanied by a number of very pointed expletives, telling our host what I thought of his constant belittling of his wife. We left during dessert and surprisingly have not had a second date. It's really difficult to find that compatible new couple once you pass into middle age. Sure you have the work friend couple. But of course that friend's husband always turns out to be a disappointment. For this to work both members of the couple have to be good, not necessarily great but definitely not horrible. Many times the husband is fascinating and the wife is a dish rag or the wife is gregarious and the husband can only discuss the latest sports scores. What about those occasions when the couple is fighting and the evening is just long, uncomfortable and embarrassing?

Once in the restaurant we are immediately at ease. No prolonged silences. Plenty of stimulating conversation. Self-deprecating laughter. In my mind the evening was a success. We have found a fabulously thoughtful, intelligent and humorous couple.

Next we do what every first dater does...wait and wonder if they'll call again.