My traditional New Year's eve activities involve spending the day reflecting on all my flaws and resolving to fix every last one of them in the coming year. You can see how successful I have been at that but I am doing it again today.
They say you should document your resolutions so as to make it concrete, almost like a contract. So here is my contract for 2010.
1) The obligatory FIX BODY. That will include losing that last 10 pounds of pregnancy weight ( my son is 14 so it may be time), exercising stronger every day, visiting the appropriate doctors for the appropriate check ups, easing up on the carbs, bulking up on the fresh fruits/veggies. Two years ago the impetus was "Skinny Bitch", last year Omnivores Delight and this year Flat Belly Diet". At least my wallet is slimming down.
2) FIX PERSON. This is a big one. It means being a better mother, wife, daughter, and yes person. So ambitious, right? More patience with the kid, more "attention" to the husband, less arguing with the mother and overall just to be kinder and nicer. This oldie but good lasts about 2 days.
3) FIX HOUSE. My house is about a billion years old and I love it. However the age and size present a constant demand for repairs and improvement. I will paint (or get a painter), sand, repair and improve this house this year. Last time I made this resolution to redo a seldom used bathroom, it took 3 years. IS that success?
4) FIX MIND. I need to be calmer, or so I hear. This year I will work on good thoughts, spirituality and more laughter. Maybe this one will eliminate the need for the others.
5) FIX CAREER. I guess it isn't really a fix but more of a find. I love working but sometimes my priorities dictate commitment levels I cannot adhere to. This year I will find what I want to do and do it - even if just for 2010. I plan on writing more and better. Let's say publishing at least 3 magazine articles or a short story. Guess I will have to blog about rejection this year as well.
How's that for improving oneself? Actually, it made me tired. Good thing I don't have to start until tomorrow.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Driving in Snow
If you have lived in Buffalo during any of the winter months you must have experienced driving in the snow. So I should be able to assume that Buffalo drivers know how to drive in such weather. Why are there still idiots behind the wheel?
During Monday evening's snow storm my husband was exiting the 90 to the Scajaquada freeway during snow and wind. A guy in a Ford Truck determined that his truck was a tank or that he was auditioning for the INDY 500 and sped past all drivers taking the turn at lightening speed. Guess what? He smashed into another car, propelling that car's bumper about 100 yards where it waited for my husband's car to hit it resulting in two blown tires.
I am so thankful that no one, especially my husband, was hurt. However this little stunt by our trucker resulted in a day of me driving back and forth to hospitals, car dealers, offices and tire shops not to mention the bill for two new tires. My husband had the additional delight of driving on two flats (can you say rim damage?), removing those tires in the snow storm and having to be driven around to and from his appointments by his very annoyed wife.
What is it about these guys (because usually they are men) who think they are exempt from the laws of nature while behind a steering wheel? Is it bravado, stupidity or just plan ignorance that makes a driver believe snow, wind, ice and traffic means increase your speed rather than slow it down?
I think we should implement a new driving test for winter drivers. It doesn't need to me a road test. Oh no. It needs to be a simple written quiz to determine if the driver is an absolute senseless, selfish, idiot.
During Monday evening's snow storm my husband was exiting the 90 to the Scajaquada freeway during snow and wind. A guy in a Ford Truck determined that his truck was a tank or that he was auditioning for the INDY 500 and sped past all drivers taking the turn at lightening speed. Guess what? He smashed into another car, propelling that car's bumper about 100 yards where it waited for my husband's car to hit it resulting in two blown tires.
I am so thankful that no one, especially my husband, was hurt. However this little stunt by our trucker resulted in a day of me driving back and forth to hospitals, car dealers, offices and tire shops not to mention the bill for two new tires. My husband had the additional delight of driving on two flats (can you say rim damage?), removing those tires in the snow storm and having to be driven around to and from his appointments by his very annoyed wife.
What is it about these guys (because usually they are men) who think they are exempt from the laws of nature while behind a steering wheel? Is it bravado, stupidity or just plan ignorance that makes a driver believe snow, wind, ice and traffic means increase your speed rather than slow it down?
I think we should implement a new driving test for winter drivers. It doesn't need to me a road test. Oh no. It needs to be a simple written quiz to determine if the driver is an absolute senseless, selfish, idiot.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Fictional vs. Real
Is it just me or have people begun to live more in a fantasy world than in the real world? Is life so bad that it needs to be fabricated with pretend friends and make believe talents?
Since the beginning of time, I think people have pretended to be something other that what they were, but technology has has taken this to the nth degree. Role playing video games such as SIMS are fun in moderation; pathological in abundance.
How about all those people who claim to be fitness gurus because of their Wii personal trainers? Wake up folks. Those personal trainers are animated characters who don't really see you and can't really tell if you are moving appropriately. And guess what? You are not a guitarist because you hit the top level of Guitar Hero or Rock Band. We have entered a world where hard work, persistence and effort to perfect a skill has been replaced with purchasing a gaming console, pouring a drink and toss around a controller.
Don't get me wrong, I think these games are great fun. But that's what they are: games. Its wonderful to be able to simulate something that you will never do as long as you are not passing up an opportunity to really try something because you believe you have already experienced it electronically. I cannot believe that the physical act of hitting a tennis ball can be fully replicated by swinging a remote control.
It's worse with friends. I have a few extremely good friends. I consider myself genuinely fortunate. Developing a friendship requires compassion, time, understanding and shared experiences. It is more than sending a Friend request on Facebook and periodically posting a pithy note on their wall. Those 100 names do not represent real friends.
It's not just technology. I once visited a new friend. When asked about the microphone and audio equipment set up in her living room, she responded that she was a singer. WOW. Good for you, have you been singing long? Do you play local clubs? Performing in front of an audience must be amazing. She responded oh no I do karaoke. Really? Is that all it takes to call yourself a singer?
I guess I am doing it as well. I blog so does that mean I am a writer? Are my colleagues the writers who majored in English, worked years to hone their craft, published words and basically paid their dues? Or are my peers the people who have a computer, an opinion and a little time? No, I recognize what I am and what I am doing. The line between fiction and reality is pretty clear for me, which makes me even more crazy when speaking to people who pass through that line like walking through fog.
Since the beginning of time, I think people have pretended to be something other that what they were, but technology has has taken this to the nth degree. Role playing video games such as SIMS are fun in moderation; pathological in abundance.
How about all those people who claim to be fitness gurus because of their Wii personal trainers? Wake up folks. Those personal trainers are animated characters who don't really see you and can't really tell if you are moving appropriately. And guess what? You are not a guitarist because you hit the top level of Guitar Hero or Rock Band. We have entered a world where hard work, persistence and effort to perfect a skill has been replaced with purchasing a gaming console, pouring a drink and toss around a controller.
Don't get me wrong, I think these games are great fun. But that's what they are: games. Its wonderful to be able to simulate something that you will never do as long as you are not passing up an opportunity to really try something because you believe you have already experienced it electronically. I cannot believe that the physical act of hitting a tennis ball can be fully replicated by swinging a remote control.
It's worse with friends. I have a few extremely good friends. I consider myself genuinely fortunate. Developing a friendship requires compassion, time, understanding and shared experiences. It is more than sending a Friend request on Facebook and periodically posting a pithy note on their wall. Those 100 names do not represent real friends.
It's not just technology. I once visited a new friend. When asked about the microphone and audio equipment set up in her living room, she responded that she was a singer. WOW. Good for you, have you been singing long? Do you play local clubs? Performing in front of an audience must be amazing. She responded oh no I do karaoke. Really? Is that all it takes to call yourself a singer?
I guess I am doing it as well. I blog so does that mean I am a writer? Are my colleagues the writers who majored in English, worked years to hone their craft, published words and basically paid their dues? Or are my peers the people who have a computer, an opinion and a little time? No, I recognize what I am and what I am doing. The line between fiction and reality is pretty clear for me, which makes me even more crazy when speaking to people who pass through that line like walking through fog.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Allergic to Toxins
By the very definition of the word TOXINS, we are pretty much all allergic to them. So if that's true why are there harmful toxins in our food and why hasn't the government prevented this?
Recently, my best friend was starting to have allergic reactions such as a swollen tongue and tingling in her mouth after eating. This is more than just a discomfort, as her throat could swell preventing her from breathing. After almost 3 months of dealing with this including doctor appointments, food journals and painfully miserable days she found that she is allergic to cottonseed oil.
Of course my first response was "Why the hell are you consuming cottonseed oil?. Apparently it is being used in a frighteningly significant amount of food preparation. I did some investigation and found that the recent economic hardships have forced the food industry to look for shortcuts to save money. Low and behold cottonseed oil is cheaper than soybean or canola oil. Probably because it is toxic. Can you believe that cottonseed oil is actually used as a pesticide?
FDA restrictions that monitor food and chemicals have allowed cottonseed oil to slip through a loop hole and now that cotton for the textile industry is suffering, cotton for the food industry is booming. Or at least trying to.
For all the debate and arguing across partisan lines, I would think that we can all agree that one of the primary, basic roles of the government is to keep us safe. I understand that being safe has several degrees but allowing toxins in our food, knowing that numerous people will suffer seems like a no brainer. Don't let it happen. This stuff is killing us.
Now you can say it is our responsibility to monitor our food intake and yes I can agree with that. Let me be responsible enough to know that too many chips are bad and will risk obesity and heart failure. But as far as knowing that cottonseed oil is used in the frying of those potato chips and that cottonseed oil is full of toxins I would think the government could help me out a little with that one.
This is just another reason to switch to all organic, all health food , all the time. God I wish I had the will power.
Recently, my best friend was starting to have allergic reactions such as a swollen tongue and tingling in her mouth after eating. This is more than just a discomfort, as her throat could swell preventing her from breathing. After almost 3 months of dealing with this including doctor appointments, food journals and painfully miserable days she found that she is allergic to cottonseed oil.
Of course my first response was "Why the hell are you consuming cottonseed oil?. Apparently it is being used in a frighteningly significant amount of food preparation. I did some investigation and found that the recent economic hardships have forced the food industry to look for shortcuts to save money. Low and behold cottonseed oil is cheaper than soybean or canola oil. Probably because it is toxic. Can you believe that cottonseed oil is actually used as a pesticide?
FDA restrictions that monitor food and chemicals have allowed cottonseed oil to slip through a loop hole and now that cotton for the textile industry is suffering, cotton for the food industry is booming. Or at least trying to.
For all the debate and arguing across partisan lines, I would think that we can all agree that one of the primary, basic roles of the government is to keep us safe. I understand that being safe has several degrees but allowing toxins in our food, knowing that numerous people will suffer seems like a no brainer. Don't let it happen. This stuff is killing us.
Now you can say it is our responsibility to monitor our food intake and yes I can agree with that. Let me be responsible enough to know that too many chips are bad and will risk obesity and heart failure. But as far as knowing that cottonseed oil is used in the frying of those potato chips and that cottonseed oil is full of toxins I would think the government could help me out a little with that one.
This is just another reason to switch to all organic, all health food , all the time. God I wish I had the will power.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Let it Go
With groups of family and friends getting together over the holidays, it is inevitable (or at least in my family) to discuss those who aren't there or haven't sent the Christmas card or are still living the feud. When do you let it all go an just forget about it?
Forgiveness seems so obvious. Easily understood. Stop the resentment, give it up and pardon that person. Much easier to understand than to implement. Maybe, maybe not.
You need a little self confidence and to take yourself a little less seriously. Confidence will help you realize that one event does not define you. You are still loved, respected, yada yada yada. So you didn't get that Christmas card, better remove her from your list. How could SHE forget you? And don't even remind me about that brother in law who ruined your holiday party with vulgarity, carelessness and overall ugliness. He is done.
Granted some transgressions are worse. Family who make such stupid decisions that they destroy people's lives. Not that easily forgiven. Maybe the relative who borrows a large sum of money from you and never pays it back. Or the family friend who never came to see your dying parent. Or the one who wasn't there when you needed him the most.
But its hard to hold that grudge. You miss out on the good times with that person, who if it was a friend at one time, probably had several good qualities. Or you feel yourself being ugly and that just ruins the day for you. Frankly its tiring.
And don't forget you may have also needed forgiveness at one or two times in your life. I myself, even went so far as to go to an old family friend's wake with a tad bit too much alcohol in me. Bad judgement? Definitely! But certainly not enough to have an entire family ostracize me? Besides isn't it enough punishment that a certain sibling brings it up every single time we get together?
I think its time to let it go. FOrget about the transgressions. Chalk it up to the fact that people screw up. Maybe getting rid of all that baggage will also help drop a few pounds. Ok that's wishful thinking. Nonetheless I am going to work on this one for 2010.
Forgiveness seems so obvious. Easily understood. Stop the resentment, give it up and pardon that person. Much easier to understand than to implement. Maybe, maybe not.
You need a little self confidence and to take yourself a little less seriously. Confidence will help you realize that one event does not define you. You are still loved, respected, yada yada yada. So you didn't get that Christmas card, better remove her from your list. How could SHE forget you? And don't even remind me about that brother in law who ruined your holiday party with vulgarity, carelessness and overall ugliness. He is done.
Granted some transgressions are worse. Family who make such stupid decisions that they destroy people's lives. Not that easily forgiven. Maybe the relative who borrows a large sum of money from you and never pays it back. Or the family friend who never came to see your dying parent. Or the one who wasn't there when you needed him the most.
But its hard to hold that grudge. You miss out on the good times with that person, who if it was a friend at one time, probably had several good qualities. Or you feel yourself being ugly and that just ruins the day for you. Frankly its tiring.
And don't forget you may have also needed forgiveness at one or two times in your life. I myself, even went so far as to go to an old family friend's wake with a tad bit too much alcohol in me. Bad judgement? Definitely! But certainly not enough to have an entire family ostracize me? Besides isn't it enough punishment that a certain sibling brings it up every single time we get together?
I think its time to let it go. FOrget about the transgressions. Chalk it up to the fact that people screw up. Maybe getting rid of all that baggage will also help drop a few pounds. Ok that's wishful thinking. Nonetheless I am going to work on this one for 2010.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Merry Christmas
The tree is decorated, the presents are wrapped, the family is in town and the meal is cooked. TIme to enjoy the holiday.
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Anticipation for the day
Today is probably one of my most favorite days of the year and definitely the most work. For Christmas Eve I have a somewhat traditional dinner for my entire family (in-laws included).
The day starts early say around 6 am with my sister coming over to help. We have coffee and pick up the Wegman's order. This year my twin sister is in for the celebration and she will be recruited to help as well. I save a lobster tail for my son's lunch and we have a noon cocktail or eggnog/rum. Majority of the month I complain about all that has to be done when in all honesty its this working together that I love and that makes the holidays special to me.
This dinner started out when we moved back to Buffalo. I had never used my wedding china and crystal plus living away meant I missed birthdays and family celebrations. I thought how great it would be to bring both sides of the family together on this day. Nothing but positives: My mom wouldn't have to cook, we could see both sidea of the family at the same time, I could prove I had skills in the kitchen. The party was for 11 people and that was 13 years ago.
Today it includes 30 (12 of which are kids) and I serve the following:
Start off course with kir royal, wine and assorted cocktails. Before dinner starts we will break the opwatek (sp?) and wish each other well for 2010.
Course 1 - Lobster bisque and Mushroom soup
Course 2 - Carmelized pecan salad and homemade wreath bread
Course 3 - Poppyseed sour cream noodles and pierogi
Course 4 - Bacon wrapped scallops and shrimp scampi
Course 5 - Massed potatoes, string beans and prime rib
Course 6 - Cranberries and baked haddock
Course 7 - Honey glazed carrots and ginger lime salmon
Course 8 - Gingerbread torte, chocolate cake, Christmas cookies and coffee
Finish with an assortment of liquors
After dinner Santa will make an appearance and we will exchange presents.
Although I spend a fair amount of time bitching, I am so blessed and thankful to be able to do this for my family. We are together and healthy, what more could I ask for?
The day starts early say around 6 am with my sister coming over to help. We have coffee and pick up the Wegman's order. This year my twin sister is in for the celebration and she will be recruited to help as well. I save a lobster tail for my son's lunch and we have a noon cocktail or eggnog/rum. Majority of the month I complain about all that has to be done when in all honesty its this working together that I love and that makes the holidays special to me.
This dinner started out when we moved back to Buffalo. I had never used my wedding china and crystal plus living away meant I missed birthdays and family celebrations. I thought how great it would be to bring both sides of the family together on this day. Nothing but positives: My mom wouldn't have to cook, we could see both sidea of the family at the same time, I could prove I had skills in the kitchen. The party was for 11 people and that was 13 years ago.
Today it includes 30 (12 of which are kids) and I serve the following:
Start off course with kir royal, wine and assorted cocktails. Before dinner starts we will break the opwatek (sp?) and wish each other well for 2010.
Course 1 - Lobster bisque and Mushroom soup
Course 2 - Carmelized pecan salad and homemade wreath bread
Course 3 - Poppyseed sour cream noodles and pierogi
Course 4 - Bacon wrapped scallops and shrimp scampi
Course 5 - Massed potatoes, string beans and prime rib
Course 6 - Cranberries and baked haddock
Course 7 - Honey glazed carrots and ginger lime salmon
Course 8 - Gingerbread torte, chocolate cake, Christmas cookies and coffee
Finish with an assortment of liquors
After dinner Santa will make an appearance and we will exchange presents.
Although I spend a fair amount of time bitching, I am so blessed and thankful to be able to do this for my family. We are together and healthy, what more could I ask for?
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Happiness or Ignorance
A recent study in Science Magazine stated that New Yorkers rank last on the happiness scale. We are the least satisfied with our lives according to these economists. Wouldn't Jay-Z and Alicia Keys disagree!
Factors such as air quality, traffic congestion, weather, housing prices all played a factor. But I disagree with this criteria. Granted I have been in two hours of traffic and have experienced an earthquake first hand. In neither case would I have described myself as happy. But there is much more to happiness than climate and population. I would like to focus on other discriminating factors.
How about asking about the people you are surrounded by? Are they interesting? Are they bright? Do they move with a purpose? Are you inspired, in awe or amazed by them? Is it diverse?
Maybe looking at opportunities in career, art and entertainment. Are there places to visit that are beautiful? Can you find something fun and intellectually stimulating to do on a Friday night? Is the art scene innovative and thought provoking? Do you have more than one type of cuisine to choose from?
What about energy? Is there any sizzle in the air and a feeling of purpose surrounding you? Are you a better person because of it? Are you part of moving the world?
A couple of the states making the Top 10 happiest included Louisiana, Tennessee, Mississippi, Montana, and Alabama. None of these would have made my top 30 states to live. The slow pace, the accent, the poverty, the ignorance would bring me down on a regular basis. I know I am generalizing, but so is this study so that's ok. Could it be that people in these states don't know any better?
Sorry, I am happy and I am a New Yorker (state anyway).
Factors such as air quality, traffic congestion, weather, housing prices all played a factor. But I disagree with this criteria. Granted I have been in two hours of traffic and have experienced an earthquake first hand. In neither case would I have described myself as happy. But there is much more to happiness than climate and population. I would like to focus on other discriminating factors.
How about asking about the people you are surrounded by? Are they interesting? Are they bright? Do they move with a purpose? Are you inspired, in awe or amazed by them? Is it diverse?
Maybe looking at opportunities in career, art and entertainment. Are there places to visit that are beautiful? Can you find something fun and intellectually stimulating to do on a Friday night? Is the art scene innovative and thought provoking? Do you have more than one type of cuisine to choose from?
What about energy? Is there any sizzle in the air and a feeling of purpose surrounding you? Are you a better person because of it? Are you part of moving the world?
A couple of the states making the Top 10 happiest included Louisiana, Tennessee, Mississippi, Montana, and Alabama. None of these would have made my top 30 states to live. The slow pace, the accent, the poverty, the ignorance would bring me down on a regular basis. I know I am generalizing, but so is this study so that's ok. Could it be that people in these states don't know any better?
Sorry, I am happy and I am a New Yorker (state anyway).
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Praises for the "To Do List"
I am obsessed with making lists. In my kitchen I have an oversized white board, a corresponding cork board and now a matching erasable calendar. Each are covered with lists of what needs to be done and when and sometimes how.
Throughout my career I prided myself on the ability to multi-task and on my exceptional organizational skills. All due to the glorious To Do List. I even have such lists for my husband and son, although they apparently do not get the joy and fulfilled that I get from crossing something off that list.
Yesterday i started to think my old friend the To Do List is becoming a crutch. I started spinning out of control with everything that needs to be done and how little time is available. Ever time I started a task, I was distracted with another and frankly nothing was being accomplished. So I went to my trusty white board, chose a task and finished it! Oh the joy of crossing off an action item.
Now however I am concerned that the list is controlling me. I am starting to believe that I am no longer able to think without a list created telling me what I am supposed to be thinking about. Is this a huge crutch that now prevents me from being spontaneous? And how about the severe depression experienced when I am unable to cross anything off the list?
Oh I know, I will create a list on how to ease myself off the list and learn again how to live in the moment.
Throughout my career I prided myself on the ability to multi-task and on my exceptional organizational skills. All due to the glorious To Do List. I even have such lists for my husband and son, although they apparently do not get the joy and fulfilled that I get from crossing something off that list.
Yesterday i started to think my old friend the To Do List is becoming a crutch. I started spinning out of control with everything that needs to be done and how little time is available. Ever time I started a task, I was distracted with another and frankly nothing was being accomplished. So I went to my trusty white board, chose a task and finished it! Oh the joy of crossing off an action item.
Now however I am concerned that the list is controlling me. I am starting to believe that I am no longer able to think without a list created telling me what I am supposed to be thinking about. Is this a huge crutch that now prevents me from being spontaneous? And how about the severe depression experienced when I am unable to cross anything off the list?
Oh I know, I will create a list on how to ease myself off the list and learn again how to live in the moment.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Wrong Number
This morning at 4:23 am the phone rang and scared me out of a lovely dream. I kicked my husband and groaned for him to pick it up. It was a wrong number ... the same wrong number that has been mistakenly calling us for the past 3 months.
The person's last name, according to my caller id it Cho. He is Asian and is severely challenged by the English language. I used to respond to the evening call from Cho with a polite "I'm sorry you have the wrong number. What number were you calling?" Every time I did this, he would call back at least 2 more times. At which point, I would add a little humor to cover my irritation. "No, it's me again. Still the wrong number".
Then we started receiving call from some of Cho's friends. While I am assuming they are friends, as the accent and English challenges are similar but the caller id is Lui or sometimes Kheng. In responding to these I became more firm, especially when the calls were at 11 pm. "The person you are trying to reach is not at this number. You have the wrong number. Remove this number from your speed dial. Please stop calling this number. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"
This morning, we started with an exasperated "You have the wrong number." The second call was greeted with "Stop calling here it is 4:30 AM". The third call I yelled "Are you a complete idiot?". The fourth call went to voice mail. The fifth call met with an expletive. The sixth call I picked up and just left the line open. Granted it held up my phone but my friends and family do not call me for no reason at all. Well this was the last call. But the tenacity of this Cho is unbelievable. I mean 6 calls over an hour span>
So how do I stop this? A call in the middle of the night or early morning usually means someone is in the hospital or dead. My heart was racing and it really set off the day in the least pleasant way. Does anyone know how I can block a call from a specific phone number? Cho and his friends are killing me!
The person's last name, according to my caller id it Cho. He is Asian and is severely challenged by the English language. I used to respond to the evening call from Cho with a polite "I'm sorry you have the wrong number. What number were you calling?" Every time I did this, he would call back at least 2 more times. At which point, I would add a little humor to cover my irritation. "No, it's me again. Still the wrong number".
Then we started receiving call from some of Cho's friends. While I am assuming they are friends, as the accent and English challenges are similar but the caller id is Lui or sometimes Kheng. In responding to these I became more firm, especially when the calls were at 11 pm. "The person you are trying to reach is not at this number. You have the wrong number. Remove this number from your speed dial. Please stop calling this number. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"
This morning, we started with an exasperated "You have the wrong number." The second call was greeted with "Stop calling here it is 4:30 AM". The third call I yelled "Are you a complete idiot?". The fourth call went to voice mail. The fifth call met with an expletive. The sixth call I picked up and just left the line open. Granted it held up my phone but my friends and family do not call me for no reason at all. Well this was the last call. But the tenacity of this Cho is unbelievable. I mean 6 calls over an hour span>
So how do I stop this? A call in the middle of the night or early morning usually means someone is in the hospital or dead. My heart was racing and it really set off the day in the least pleasant way. Does anyone know how I can block a call from a specific phone number? Cho and his friends are killing me!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
My recycle bin has been stolen
I have been living in this house for about 8 years and the garbage / recycle container thing is bizarre.
Being in the city, we have a large blue garbage can, standard issue from the City of Buffalo. We also have a open blue container for our recyclables. Whether these tools are to prevent rat infestations and promote recycling or just to give our garbage a clean, uniformed look, I like it.
So here's my problem. When we moved in there was no recycle bin associated with the house. After several calls and a time consuming trip to city hall, I came home with our recycle bin and have been using it faithfully ever since.
Early this year, on garbage day, i found an extra garbage can on our front lawn. I wanted for about three days thinking it was mistakenly put in front of my house or that the bad winter weather moved it from its rightful owner. After that time I went to about 6 neighbors asking if they were missing their garbage can. Nope. So I brought it into my yard and now I have two. Hard to believe 3 people can make so much garbage!
So this week, my recycling bin is gone. This is a giant pain especially at the end of the year, where my recycle bin is the perfect tool for hiding the unlimited amount of empty wine bottles under newspaper. I don't want to accuse someone of stealing my recycle bin because of course I have an extra garbage can. But where is it? It has been a full week since it disappeared.
I am thinking about putting up missing posters on the trees down my street.
IF YOU HAVE RECOVERED THIS MISSING FRIEND, PLEASE RETURN TO OWNER. NO QUESTIONS ASKED.
I would like to make a plea that if anyone has a newly found recycle bin, please send it my way (doubtful my neighbors are reading my blog). Cannot bear to have to deal with city hall for another container.
Being in the city, we have a large blue garbage can, standard issue from the City of Buffalo. We also have a open blue container for our recyclables. Whether these tools are to prevent rat infestations and promote recycling or just to give our garbage a clean, uniformed look, I like it.
So here's my problem. When we moved in there was no recycle bin associated with the house. After several calls and a time consuming trip to city hall, I came home with our recycle bin and have been using it faithfully ever since.
Early this year, on garbage day, i found an extra garbage can on our front lawn. I wanted for about three days thinking it was mistakenly put in front of my house or that the bad winter weather moved it from its rightful owner. After that time I went to about 6 neighbors asking if they were missing their garbage can. Nope. So I brought it into my yard and now I have two. Hard to believe 3 people can make so much garbage!
So this week, my recycling bin is gone. This is a giant pain especially at the end of the year, where my recycle bin is the perfect tool for hiding the unlimited amount of empty wine bottles under newspaper. I don't want to accuse someone of stealing my recycle bin because of course I have an extra garbage can. But where is it? It has been a full week since it disappeared.
I am thinking about putting up missing posters on the trees down my street.
IF YOU HAVE RECOVERED THIS MISSING FRIEND, PLEASE RETURN TO OWNER. NO QUESTIONS ASKED.
I would like to make a plea that if anyone has a newly found recycle bin, please send it my way (doubtful my neighbors are reading my blog). Cannot bear to have to deal with city hall for another container.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Baby its cold outside
Last night I spent a fair amount of time complaining about how cold I was. Guess bitching about the weather and why we don't live in a warmer climate was the main point. Feeling sorry for myself because I didn't take my mink coat and because my husband turned down the heat to only 70 degrees. This morning I read the NY Times and really felt like a jerk.
The front page discussed CODE BLUE, a program administered by the NY Department of Homeless Services which tries to prevent the death of homeless people during very cold nights by persuading them to come into a shelter. Living where I do, I also see a fair amount of homeless people. Unfortunately you tend to forget they are people and let them blend in to the background or ignore them while Christmas shopping on Elmwood.
When we first moved here my husband stopped regularly at a corner gas station and mini-mart on his way to work. He would buy himself a cup of coffee for the drive. One day a homeless man, whose mental capacities were also affected, asked him for help. Well how could he not? So my husband would bought this guy coffee and a roll. This became routine and went on for about a couple of weeks; the homeless guy greeting him with a toothless smile and hearty good morning. One day the pierced teenage counter attendant scolded my husband. "Dude, what are you doing? It's because of you this guy is hanging around our store. Cut it out". Shocked my husband responded "The man is hungry and cold. Have a heart." The kid replied "You like him so much, why don't you take him in front of your house and let him enjoy his morning coffee there".
Whether it's fear, heartlessness or the neighbors, I don't want homeless people outside my house. I know its callous but its true. However, I am also thankful for the teams of people who work toward saving the unfortunate from frostbite and even death. I cannot image how difficult it would be to try to help one of these people, putting yourself out there for angry attacks and flat out refusals. I know its a band-aid and that the real help will be programs to prevent people from becoming homeless, but we need the immediate response as well as the long term plan.
By the way, for those of you who do not want health care reform, any idea how these people are going to be taken care of? Or is"death prevention" not part of the agenda?
The front page discussed CODE BLUE, a program administered by the NY Department of Homeless Services which tries to prevent the death of homeless people during very cold nights by persuading them to come into a shelter. Living where I do, I also see a fair amount of homeless people. Unfortunately you tend to forget they are people and let them blend in to the background or ignore them while Christmas shopping on Elmwood.
When we first moved here my husband stopped regularly at a corner gas station and mini-mart on his way to work. He would buy himself a cup of coffee for the drive. One day a homeless man, whose mental capacities were also affected, asked him for help. Well how could he not? So my husband would bought this guy coffee and a roll. This became routine and went on for about a couple of weeks; the homeless guy greeting him with a toothless smile and hearty good morning. One day the pierced teenage counter attendant scolded my husband. "Dude, what are you doing? It's because of you this guy is hanging around our store. Cut it out". Shocked my husband responded "The man is hungry and cold. Have a heart." The kid replied "You like him so much, why don't you take him in front of your house and let him enjoy his morning coffee there".
Whether it's fear, heartlessness or the neighbors, I don't want homeless people outside my house. I know its callous but its true. However, I am also thankful for the teams of people who work toward saving the unfortunate from frostbite and even death. I cannot image how difficult it would be to try to help one of these people, putting yourself out there for angry attacks and flat out refusals. I know its a band-aid and that the real help will be programs to prevent people from becoming homeless, but we need the immediate response as well as the long term plan.
By the way, for those of you who do not want health care reform, any idea how these people are going to be taken care of? Or is"death prevention" not part of the agenda?
Friday, December 18, 2009
Hardly H2O
So apparently our tap water is now tainted. Like we didn't have enough to worry about with melting of the ice caps and the amount of lead in our fish.
It has been over 35 years since the laws regulating tap water have been reviewed. Think of all the scientific advancements and the pharmaceutical newbies that were made in the past 35 years. I understand that our politicians have their hands full and that squeaky wheel gets the oil but let's talk priorities. What has been so urgent and important over the past 35 years that the EPA has not thought to re-address water safety levels. Granted we may not all get ill immediately from these carcinogens and the financial crisis has been a bit of a nightmare, but I still believe someone, somewhere in brain trust called our political leaders should have looked at these risks.
Maybe I should send them a calendar with Dec. 17th To Do : Address safe water issues. I could print off a December page for the next 20 years. Just so they don't forget. Here's an idea, now that we are recycling water bottles (it's about time) maybe those monies could go toward the purchase of such a calendar.
I know there are people out there who will think this is not a priority, that we have different issues. What will those people think when we are all walking around with blistered black mouths from skin infections caused by continued exposure to bad water? Will those same people remember this as being a non-priority issue?
It has been over 35 years since the laws regulating tap water have been reviewed. Think of all the scientific advancements and the pharmaceutical newbies that were made in the past 35 years. I understand that our politicians have their hands full and that squeaky wheel gets the oil but let's talk priorities. What has been so urgent and important over the past 35 years that the EPA has not thought to re-address water safety levels. Granted we may not all get ill immediately from these carcinogens and the financial crisis has been a bit of a nightmare, but I still believe someone, somewhere in brain trust called our political leaders should have looked at these risks.
Maybe I should send them a calendar with Dec. 17th To Do : Address safe water issues. I could print off a December page for the next 20 years. Just so they don't forget. Here's an idea, now that we are recycling water bottles (it's about time) maybe those monies could go toward the purchase of such a calendar.
I know there are people out there who will think this is not a priority, that we have different issues. What will those people think when we are all walking around with blistered black mouths from skin infections caused by continued exposure to bad water? Will those same people remember this as being a non-priority issue?
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Debrief, Post Mortem, Gossip
Not sure why, but I have always been a fan of the debrief. You know what I mean. If you are working, its the post-mortem meeting to discuss what went right and wrong after a project ends. It's the debrief to discuss afterwards, what happened during an event. My husband like's to call it the gossip after the party.
I cannot believe I am the only one who feels this way. Why do I love the follow up? Maybe its because I want the event to continue. In the case of a party, you usually miss some of the "action" (that damn cannot be in multiple places at the same time thing). I always here great stories in the next day call. Who flashed whom, who spilled a drink on whom and the ever popular "She said WHAT?"
It also has a logical purpose (most notably in the work situation) which is to determine what was done right and what was done wrong to improve for the next project, party or event. It's constant learning to improve upon yourself and your actions. Oh that's good. I think I will believe that's why I like the follow up - makes me sound better than simply a gossip monger.
Well my party was last night and I am calling it a success. I had a blast and think everyone else was entertained as well. But even though the dishes are washed, the empties put to recycle and the rugs vacuumed, I cannot consider the event over until I have a few follow up calls or emails. Look out ladies!
I cannot believe I am the only one who feels this way. Why do I love the follow up? Maybe its because I want the event to continue. In the case of a party, you usually miss some of the "action" (that damn cannot be in multiple places at the same time thing). I always here great stories in the next day call. Who flashed whom, who spilled a drink on whom and the ever popular "She said WHAT?"
It also has a logical purpose (most notably in the work situation) which is to determine what was done right and what was done wrong to improve for the next project, party or event. It's constant learning to improve upon yourself and your actions. Oh that's good. I think I will believe that's why I like the follow up - makes me sound better than simply a gossip monger.
Well my party was last night and I am calling it a success. I had a blast and think everyone else was entertained as well. But even though the dishes are washed, the empties put to recycle and the rugs vacuumed, I cannot consider the event over until I have a few follow up calls or emails. Look out ladies!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Pastry Swap
Really that's my creative way of saving Cookie Exchange. Heard so much about these events that I have decided I want to throw one. So after coaxing everyone into attendance, I am now stressed about how to make it a festive and memorable event.
I used to throw great parties. My fund raisers were well attended and full of laughs. My dinner parties were delicious and delightful. It may sound like I am a little full of myself, but I really think throwing a party is something I do well. Probably because I enjoy it so much. Well I haven't had a party at my house in a few years (of course not counting the at least monthly family parties). Too many other things going on I guess. Which explains why I am a little nervous about this one.
Last night I was up at 12:30 am and did not go back to sleep until 5 am, which is only an hour before I hear the lovely sound of the URG machine from my son's room. Anyway, I spent the time preparing a menu and decorating the dining room. Once everything opened I ran to Wegmans and to the liquor store. Now all I have to do is put everything together.
To me, having someone over to your house is a big deal. I consider it a huge gesture of warmth and care, so I try hard to make everyone feel comfortable. Of course if a guest is evil I have been known to ask them to leave. Basically revoking future invites as well.
Here are my personal steps to having a great party:
1) Invite people you like. DONE!
2) Have a specialty drink. Kir Royal for tomorrow. Also have plenty of liquor on hand, it seems to make everyone including the hostess more relaxed.
3) Make a ton of food. I have a bunch of new appetizers to create. Remember to let guests know that if all the food is horrible, you will order pizzas. Again, it eliminates the stress.
4) Find party music. Christmas cds for the cookie exchange.
5) Candles and low lights - that way you do not have to focus on too much cleaning and all the things that are wrong with your house.
6) Get everything done at least 2 hours in advance so you can take a hot bath, have a cocktail and be ready to entertain.
Although I am a little anxious, I cannot wait to see my girlfriends. This is the first cookie exchange for several ofmy friends and I think we all have the same attitude: If it doesn't work, have another cocktail and laugh it off. Its just cookies :-)
Wish me luck!
I used to throw great parties. My fund raisers were well attended and full of laughs. My dinner parties were delicious and delightful. It may sound like I am a little full of myself, but I really think throwing a party is something I do well. Probably because I enjoy it so much. Well I haven't had a party at my house in a few years (of course not counting the at least monthly family parties). Too many other things going on I guess. Which explains why I am a little nervous about this one.
Last night I was up at 12:30 am and did not go back to sleep until 5 am, which is only an hour before I hear the lovely sound of the URG machine from my son's room. Anyway, I spent the time preparing a menu and decorating the dining room. Once everything opened I ran to Wegmans and to the liquor store. Now all I have to do is put everything together.
To me, having someone over to your house is a big deal. I consider it a huge gesture of warmth and care, so I try hard to make everyone feel comfortable. Of course if a guest is evil I have been known to ask them to leave. Basically revoking future invites as well.
Here are my personal steps to having a great party:
1) Invite people you like. DONE!
2) Have a specialty drink. Kir Royal for tomorrow. Also have plenty of liquor on hand, it seems to make everyone including the hostess more relaxed.
3) Make a ton of food. I have a bunch of new appetizers to create. Remember to let guests know that if all the food is horrible, you will order pizzas. Again, it eliminates the stress.
4) Find party music. Christmas cds for the cookie exchange.
5) Candles and low lights - that way you do not have to focus on too much cleaning and all the things that are wrong with your house.
6) Get everything done at least 2 hours in advance so you can take a hot bath, have a cocktail and be ready to entertain.
Although I am a little anxious, I cannot wait to see my girlfriends. This is the first cookie exchange for several ofmy friends and I think we all have the same attitude: If it doesn't work, have another cocktail and laugh it off. Its just cookies :-)
Wish me luck!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Climate Activists in Canada
This weekend I was in Toronto walking near Bloor and Yonge Streets when we saw a crowd of semi-nude people in santa hats. About 40 guys and girls between 20 and 50 years old were stripping down to sing in their red bikinis and Speedo's. Caroling for Copenhagen, they were activists looking for action on curbing climate changes.
Well they got our attention! I wish I would have know about this sooner as I would have been one of those people stripping down. Although I don't think my boys would have been too happy about it. What a great idea to gather awareness from the public and get some press on how "we" feel about this incredible issue. I mentioned it in a past blog, but I am adamant about the need for change.
What am I doing? Great question. First, I am paying attention and spreading the word. Second, I am recycling. Third, I am driving less. Fourth, I recently wrote my congressman and made a donation for the cause. Additionally, I support organic gardens and free range poultry. It could be more but it is a start. Next year we will look into buying a hybrid car and even research solar panels.
Although some of the protests in Canada resulted in arrests (Greenpeace seems to attract police), the protests were well attended and I think successful in making a point and getting the public to notice. I am very impressed with people who protest in support of their issues. Non violent protesting that is. Every Saturday you can see the silent protesters on Bidwell and Elmwood standing in unity against the war. I have never really participated in a formal protest. My personal protests against shopping at Walmart really don't compare.
We are fortunate to have the freedom to express ourselves in this way. I hope my son will use this tool and have the courage and determination to stand up for what he believes in.
Well they got our attention! I wish I would have know about this sooner as I would have been one of those people stripping down. Although I don't think my boys would have been too happy about it. What a great idea to gather awareness from the public and get some press on how "we" feel about this incredible issue. I mentioned it in a past blog, but I am adamant about the need for change.
What am I doing? Great question. First, I am paying attention and spreading the word. Second, I am recycling. Third, I am driving less. Fourth, I recently wrote my congressman and made a donation for the cause. Additionally, I support organic gardens and free range poultry. It could be more but it is a start. Next year we will look into buying a hybrid car and even research solar panels.
Although some of the protests in Canada resulted in arrests (Greenpeace seems to attract police), the protests were well attended and I think successful in making a point and getting the public to notice. I am very impressed with people who protest in support of their issues. Non violent protesting that is. Every Saturday you can see the silent protesters on Bidwell and Elmwood standing in unity against the war. I have never really participated in a formal protest. My personal protests against shopping at Walmart really don't compare.
We are fortunate to have the freedom to express ourselves in this way. I hope my son will use this tool and have the courage and determination to stand up for what he believes in.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Change your hair
A while ago, a friend send me a card stating you better like your hair now because once you turn 40 you never change it. I laughed at the time complimenting the Hallmark humor. But it is amazing how a haircut can change my perspective.
When I was younger I changed my hairstyle constantly. After college, the only time my real color was exposed was for my wedding pictures and that's only because my mom insisted on it. I have been a blonde, brunette, even a red head. This head has experienced asymetrical, bobbed, long, short and even shaved styles. You could almost track my priorities, my worries and my insecurities by the hair style I worn.
Now that I am older, I don't seem to make those changes any more. It could be that I have learned better coping mechanisms or that maybe I am less vain (hmmm). But its been several years since I have worn my hair in this pretty much same style. Time for a change.
I went into my salon, where Bill (the beautiful, fabulous and brilliant man who has accepted me as a client) agreed that a change was necessary. Actually , I cannot make a change unless Bill lets me. It is a complicated relationship that we women share with our stylists.
So if my "concerns and considerations" are truly reflected in my hairstyle, looks like I am interested in acting my age, in reflecting a pulled together adult with credibility. That could mean I am feeling a little insecure and need stability. It could mean that I feel a little out of control. IT could also simply mean that the blonde looked washed out, the ends looked damaged and the over all effect was tired.
Let's see what I am feeling in another 2 months when I revisit Bill
When I was younger I changed my hairstyle constantly. After college, the only time my real color was exposed was for my wedding pictures and that's only because my mom insisted on it. I have been a blonde, brunette, even a red head. This head has experienced asymetrical, bobbed, long, short and even shaved styles. You could almost track my priorities, my worries and my insecurities by the hair style I worn.
Now that I am older, I don't seem to make those changes any more. It could be that I have learned better coping mechanisms or that maybe I am less vain (hmmm). But its been several years since I have worn my hair in this pretty much same style. Time for a change.
I went into my salon, where Bill (the beautiful, fabulous and brilliant man who has accepted me as a client) agreed that a change was necessary. Actually , I cannot make a change unless Bill lets me. It is a complicated relationship that we women share with our stylists.
So if my "concerns and considerations" are truly reflected in my hairstyle, looks like I am interested in acting my age, in reflecting a pulled together adult with credibility. That could mean I am feeling a little insecure and need stability. It could mean that I feel a little out of control. IT could also simply mean that the blonde looked washed out, the ends looked damaged and the over all effect was tired.
Let's see what I am feeling in another 2 months when I revisit Bill
Friday, December 11, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Let it snow!
The first snow day of the season. I don't know what it is but I love a snow day. Maybe its the throw back from those school days when we would wait in front of the TV or listen to the radio just waiting for the announcement. I went to Villa Maria Academy so it was always at the end of the alphabetically ordered list. Since my son has been in school I have had the extra joy of getting a personal phone call for my sister Tami. She has saved me a drive in numerous times when I didn't think to turn on the TV or radio. Now my son's school has an automated service to email and call at 6 am. However, Tami still calls and I love it!
As an adult a snow day has different meanings. For one thing I hate driving in stormy or icy weather. I am concerned about my family and friends getting into accidents so I like to hear the driving ban in on. Unfortunately it doesn't help me with my husband, because he has to go into work anyway.
When I was working it wouldn't matter too much because I always had my laptop and as long as I had power at home and an internet connection, I could work. The only issue was wanting to go outside and play with my son. Distractions were endless.
I feel like I have a free day. We are going to walk Elmwood, wrap gifts and make hot chocolate.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
As an adult a snow day has different meanings. For one thing I hate driving in stormy or icy weather. I am concerned about my family and friends getting into accidents so I like to hear the driving ban in on. Unfortunately it doesn't help me with my husband, because he has to go into work anyway.
When I was working it wouldn't matter too much because I always had my laptop and as long as I had power at home and an internet connection, I could work. The only issue was wanting to go outside and play with my son. Distractions were endless.
I feel like I have a free day. We are going to walk Elmwood, wrap gifts and make hot chocolate.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
Monday, December 7, 2009
Hoarding is a Disease
Over the past couple of days, I have heard at least 3 references to the disease of hoarding. At first I thought it was ridiculous. I mean come on, just throw the junk out. But of course nothing is that easy and according to my very limited research, hoarding appears to be a type of obsessive/compulsive behavior.
Here is my problem with this, aren't we all hoarders in some way, shape or form and isn't a certain level of it encouraged? Look at all the trophies and high school honors filling your basements. Check out the baby toys still in the attic even though your baby is in college. I think the real problem is finding balance. Eliminating the gluttony we all display at some point or another and replacing it with a healthy equilibrium. I also cannot believe that no one notices a huge accumulation as it grows and fails to mention to the "patient" that there is a problem and they need some help. The balance was broken really early on and maybe if it was noticed that person could have gotten help earlier. It goes to what is our responsibility as friends and family as well. But let's stick to balance.
You see this emptiness everywhere and it doesn't seem to discriminate by socio-economic conditions, race or religion. Take obesity. You may love that cheesecake and that's not a problem. The problem is finding a balance between what you want and what you should take. I understand it is also control but can't that be considered a balance condition as well. Everyone has some control but find the appropriate mix.
How about hoarding experiences? There are those moments that you just can't let go over. Maybe a friend said something that you can't let go of or a relative borrowed money and you cannot get over it. We need to clean out our memories just like the hoarders need to clean out their homes. Consider the balance idea again. Maybe you forgive your friend and let it go but spend a little less time sharing intimate details. You forget about the cash to your relative but don't lend relatives money again. See a balance that will let you eliminate all this extra baggage.
Its easy to cling to things. Things can provide a context in a confusing situation or can bring back comfortable memories and times. But living in the past and surrounding yourself with stuff only prevents you from experiencing the present and looking toward the future. We could also use some cleaning out.
Here is my problem with this, aren't we all hoarders in some way, shape or form and isn't a certain level of it encouraged? Look at all the trophies and high school honors filling your basements. Check out the baby toys still in the attic even though your baby is in college. I think the real problem is finding balance. Eliminating the gluttony we all display at some point or another and replacing it with a healthy equilibrium. I also cannot believe that no one notices a huge accumulation as it grows and fails to mention to the "patient" that there is a problem and they need some help. The balance was broken really early on and maybe if it was noticed that person could have gotten help earlier. It goes to what is our responsibility as friends and family as well. But let's stick to balance.
You see this emptiness everywhere and it doesn't seem to discriminate by socio-economic conditions, race or religion. Take obesity. You may love that cheesecake and that's not a problem. The problem is finding a balance between what you want and what you should take. I understand it is also control but can't that be considered a balance condition as well. Everyone has some control but find the appropriate mix.
How about hoarding experiences? There are those moments that you just can't let go over. Maybe a friend said something that you can't let go of or a relative borrowed money and you cannot get over it. We need to clean out our memories just like the hoarders need to clean out their homes. Consider the balance idea again. Maybe you forgive your friend and let it go but spend a little less time sharing intimate details. You forget about the cash to your relative but don't lend relatives money again. See a balance that will let you eliminate all this extra baggage.
Its easy to cling to things. Things can provide a context in a confusing situation or can bring back comfortable memories and times. But living in the past and surrounding yourself with stuff only prevents you from experiencing the present and looking toward the future. We could also use some cleaning out.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
A Hypothetical Situation
Let's say hypothetically of course, that you are the mother of a teenage boy and that as you were working with him on his computer you came across a porn site in his site history. Again, this is simply hypothetically because if it really did happen you would be too embarrassed, angry and disappointed in him to think straight much less write about it.
So at first you explode. Actually the very first reaction is disbelief. My baby couldn't possibly have accessed this disgusting trash on purpose. 15 seconds later you realize oh yes he did. Now we are at anger. Is it wrong to scream at the top of your voice that this is not the way you raised him? How about refusing all access to phone, ipod, tv and computer for the next several months or at least until he can prove himself trustworthy? Would it be appropriate to want to beat him senseless?
You scream that you will personally take down all internet pornography. It will be your mission to destroy the adult entertainment industry. All past beliefs that censorship is wrong, have flown out the window. Censor everything!
After you catch your breathe, remember of course that this is all hypothetical, the ager turns to bewilderment. Why on earth would he do this? So you ask the question. But atlas that boy knows you and answers with the "I was just curious. It will never happen again". So when i ( I mean the theoretical you) ask him if he would like to show his grandmother or aunt his new found interest or if he would like to go over the site with his mother and explain what is so fascinating about it, would that be wrong?
Now he is embarrassed and upset, lets ask more questions. Do you need to see the psychiatrist at school to discuss appropriate behavior? Do you feel that the objectification of women is ok? Do you have any respect for the opposite gender? The situation could turn into a "teachable moment" discussing the body, shame, respect and revulsion. Difficult to teach when your heart is beating through your blouse.
Hypothetically, would your husband then step in and have an adult, mature, fatherly conversation with your son? Send him to bed so he can think about his actions. Then proceed to tell me (I mean this mother) that teenage boys in this day and age are curious. That we need to make sure he understands why not only access but pornography and the adult entertainment industry is unacceptable. We need to punish him but he needs to understand. Maybe then your husband makes you a cup of tea, brings you a box of tissues and holds you while you cry about what a failure as a mother you have become. The tears are really shed for the loss of your son's innocence.
You wake up the next morning and you realize that it will not get easier. That the growing up of your son is more than just bigger sized clothes and more homework. You won't see him light up when PLUTO waves to him. He won't run and jump into your lap with his arms wide open anymore. But you will continue to adore him, to love him and to suffer for him. The realization only makes you cry yet again.
Hypothetically, of course.
So at first you explode. Actually the very first reaction is disbelief. My baby couldn't possibly have accessed this disgusting trash on purpose. 15 seconds later you realize oh yes he did. Now we are at anger. Is it wrong to scream at the top of your voice that this is not the way you raised him? How about refusing all access to phone, ipod, tv and computer for the next several months or at least until he can prove himself trustworthy? Would it be appropriate to want to beat him senseless?
You scream that you will personally take down all internet pornography. It will be your mission to destroy the adult entertainment industry. All past beliefs that censorship is wrong, have flown out the window. Censor everything!
After you catch your breathe, remember of course that this is all hypothetical, the ager turns to bewilderment. Why on earth would he do this? So you ask the question. But atlas that boy knows you and answers with the "I was just curious. It will never happen again". So when i ( I mean the theoretical you) ask him if he would like to show his grandmother or aunt his new found interest or if he would like to go over the site with his mother and explain what is so fascinating about it, would that be wrong?
Now he is embarrassed and upset, lets ask more questions. Do you need to see the psychiatrist at school to discuss appropriate behavior? Do you feel that the objectification of women is ok? Do you have any respect for the opposite gender? The situation could turn into a "teachable moment" discussing the body, shame, respect and revulsion. Difficult to teach when your heart is beating through your blouse.
Hypothetically, would your husband then step in and have an adult, mature, fatherly conversation with your son? Send him to bed so he can think about his actions. Then proceed to tell me (I mean this mother) that teenage boys in this day and age are curious. That we need to make sure he understands why not only access but pornography and the adult entertainment industry is unacceptable. We need to punish him but he needs to understand. Maybe then your husband makes you a cup of tea, brings you a box of tissues and holds you while you cry about what a failure as a mother you have become. The tears are really shed for the loss of your son's innocence.
You wake up the next morning and you realize that it will not get easier. That the growing up of your son is more than just bigger sized clothes and more homework. You won't see him light up when PLUTO waves to him. He won't run and jump into your lap with his arms wide open anymore. But you will continue to adore him, to love him and to suffer for him. The realization only makes you cry yet again.
Hypothetically, of course.
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