Brag Sheet

This morning as I trolled the internet at 3:23 am contemplating my son's college options,  I found the Brag Sheet. Have you hear of this? Basically it is the first step in creating a type of resume, where you highlight the achievements and accomplishments of your student in an effort to make him stand ahead of the crowd during the admissions review process.

One question on the brag sheet template I was reviewing, asked parents to describe their child.  Sure 6 foot, light brown hair, thin and beautiful is one way to describe my Max.  But I am sure that is not the point.  I could tell what he does or what interests him but even that doesn't get at the essence of him. After thinking about  it, what comes to mind is his presence. When Max enters a room or a conversation, the air get full.  It's almost like you feel "more".  Suddenly whatever was being discussed or performed seems more interesting and significant.  He brings perspective and color.  It's kind of like turning on the music or spraying perfume or wrapping yourself in silk.  When he leaves, you feel left.  Not that you parted but that you were left behind. It just isn't enough. It's like eating one potato chip or listening to someone hang up before you do.

I don't mean to imply that each interaction with my son is some joyous event.  He brings stress, drama and worry (although all of that is surrounded by an "it's all good, don't worry" mentality).  Whatever he brings, it's not bland or vanilla or average.  He is present and makes you present.

So how do you convey that to a college admissions committee?  Paper is one dimensional, with data on his grades and community service and athletics and SAT scores.  It's such a small part of him and who he is and what he can do

Maybe instead of a brag sheet, the admissions counselors could experience a Brag Film or the documentary of Max.  Guess that is a little over the top.

This is News?

Anyone who watches the world news knows that it can be depressing and tiring.  Political agruments, war death tolls and bankrupt middle America are enough to make you stop being aware of current affairs.  So I can understand that once in a while the networks want to show a feel good story.  Even if it is just to improve over all attitude of the viewing public.  But this story is ridiculous.

Apparently a mom, father and toddler were in a terrible car crash that left the dad's leg pinned and the toddler crying and scared, trapped in a crushed minvan (or some such thing).  The mother called 911 and while on the phone waiting for help, the 911 operator heard her singing the alphabet song.  This is wonderful, a mom trying to console her daughter and husband.  It is exactly what I would do and what every other mother I know would do.  How is this news?

Dian Sawyer stated that it was "amazing" for this mother to sing her child in an effort to calm her.  Amazing?  That's daily life for most of us.  Wouldn't it be "amazing" if a mom ignored her scared little baby? 

Has our family life become so bad that the display of simple compassion and caring is now news worthly? Sure we do not want to set the bar too high, but really?  What's next  dear anchor?  Woman crossing street at light reduces chance of accident....man goes to work daily to receive a paycheck...parents feed their kids three meals a day..."AMAZING"

I know I should have been uplifted by this story, but it just made me sick.

Happy Anniversary Parents

This week my parent's celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.  Seems like such a long time, but I really could not begin to image one of my parents without the other.

When my siblings and I realized it was anniversary time last year we started planning the big surprise bash.  Now that it is over I can say what a royal pain this party was to plan...and I plan a lot of get togethers so I feel that I am a bit of an expert.  Actually the worst part was the guests. 

Invites were easy to create, my brother found the best polka band this side of Warsaw, Dolci made a delicious cake, Mother Nature went above and beyond with the floral arrangements and The Saturn Club offered the best venue.  Ahh but the guests.

The first problem was getting a list of friends and family with their addresses and phone numbers.  My sister stole my dad's address book.  Although she felt guilty because it seemed to have doctors, pharmacy's and other essential info in it, I was thrilled.  A starting place.  Then I opened it to find the following enteries:

Charlie the Chicken

Big John from work

Jerry with bad knee

Who the hell are these people? Better than that, I found some names I could make out but no addresses. The second problem was getting people to respond.  Sent out 50 invites, received 30 RSVPs.  How does someone not even respond? 

All in all the night was lovely.  I gave a terrific speak (pat myself on the back) and everyone was drinking dancing and laughing.  All said and done, I was thrilled my siblings and I could do this for our parents.  Seeing them together and so much still in love, makes me appreciate my guy all the more.  We are looking at 20 years in Feb.  I was nine when we took our vows :-).

Happy 50th mom and dad!

Superficiality at best

I have never claimed to be above materialism and vanity.  Just the fact that I can recognize when I am participating should give me some honor points.  I try to tailor my superficality with meaningful work, stimulating dialogue and relevant concerns but some days I am weak and succumb.

This past week I fell to the consumerism demons.  I did serious damage in Anthropology and in Michael Kors.  Although I think you would all agree that if a pair of boots look great in black you MUST buy them in saddle.  Anyway I thought this bit of retail therapy would have ended with those indiscretions.  Not so.  I realized I needed a pair of kickin' shoes to match the dress I bought.

How easy it is to access Neiman Marcus on line!  How simple to grab the image of the dress from the Anthropolgy website and compare it to the available shoes for color, style and overall coordination.  Way too easy.  I found the perfect shoe. Unfortunately the price was definitely not perfect.  So I do what any girl would do - I look to my friends for counsel.

My first consultant, let's call her Princess S. stroked my ego with "only you could pull those off" and an apparent dsiregard for the price tag.  I remove the AmEx from the wallet.  But wait, my second consultant the Beautiful Ms Mary responds with "check your closet first" and "do you realize people are starving in Africa".  She added a bit of reality to the cause.  Putting AmEx back into wallet.  I then consult my sister Tami who always is there with a "get a grip, you are a lunatic".  Ah but not this time.  This times, she tells me to buy another dress to justify the shoes.  With multiple occassions to wear the outfits, the shoes really aren't that expense on a per cost basis. Thanks T.

Now what?  I need shoes by Saturday.  If I choose these, I have to also get overnight express delivery and decide today.  If I check my closet I am sure I have at least 5 pairs that would match therefore saving the obscene $1200....decisions decisions. Will the awesome shoes distract from the extra 10 pounds I am carrying?  Will this be the last straw for my husband's patience?  hmmmmm

Superficiality is winning....trying to fight the demons...

My baby in China

Max recently participated in a People to People ambassador program taking him to various parts of China.  He visited Beijing, Hong Kong, Shanghai, Wuzhen and Donghi Village.  It was an amazing trip for him; one that taught him about the absurdity of stereotypes, one that highlighted his social skills and one that presented him with a view of life much different than his reality.

Here are a few photos of those experiences:

Max in Tiananmen Square

New friends

Max on the Great wall

Which Terra Cotta Warrior doesn't belong?

Karate Master Max

Delegates from the states

RSVP Means Respond Please!

Can someone explain to me what part of RSVP is so difficult to understand?  The letters come from the french expression "respondez s'il vous plait" or in plain English "please respond".  That means as the receiver of that invitation you must contact the host/hostess and note if you are attending or if you are not attending.  It does not mean sit on your ass and do nothing.

I am throwing a surprise party (more to come on this in later blog post) and I was careful to send out the invites 5 weeks in advance of the date.  Clearly I asked for an RSVP.  I was even considerate enough to offer a phone number and an email for my guest's convenience.  And guess what?  The day before the RSVP date, I have one...yes one...response out of the 50 people invited.  Are you kidding me?

What this means is that I have to call all these people to see if they are attending. It means I have to find phone numbers and schedule time to make these calls.   It means I have to delay responding to the caterer on food and drink order.  It means I have to delay my respond to the venue on how to set up tables.  It means a giant headache when I am trying to do a nice thing.

Therefore, if you are a person who feels he/she is beyond RSVP, let me assure you that you are being rude and difficult.  Call your host/hostess when you are invited to an event and RSVP! If you honestly did not know what RSVP meant, well I have educated you.

Definition of Thoughtfulness

My husband is a very generous and thoughtful man.  He has an exceptional talent for getting the perfect gifts for the people he cares about.  This year for my birthday, he epitomized the word thoughtful.

For several weeks before my birthday, he kept telling me that he has finally gotten me something that I am always bugging him for.  It's not too expensive and it is not jewelry, so I really had not idea.  At first I thought those Christian Louboutin shoes..no he said that was superficial, then I thought a new fur coat...no he said that was redundant.  I started wondering what stupid thing I brought up that I was no longer interested in.  I know it is shocking but I may sometimes have a short attention span.

Well he did it.  He bought me tickets to see Madame Butterfly at the Metropolitan Opera House in NYC.  You may be saying, so what?  Let me explain why this is so thoughtful.  Matty and I started our love of opera together when we lived in Detroit.  Before each opera, we would buy the CD and listen to it prior to attending the performance.  Every time we travel, we try to get opera tickets.

Since we have started seeing opera, I have begged him to get tickets to the Met.  We tried on several occasions and each time, our timing was off.  Either they were sold out or we just couldn't coordinate it.   Every time we go to the Regal theaters and see that advertisement for Opera at the Met on the live screen,  I gently punch him and complain that the Met will go bankrupt before I get there.

So the first weekend of December we will be flying to NYC to see my favorite opera at the most desirable venue.  We have hotel and dining plans to add to this winter escape to NY.  Best of all, my husband also purchased a ticket for Max.  He knew that I would want to expose Max to the joy of opera - even though Max is not nearly as thrilled.

Matty worked on getting these tickets for months.  Three fabulous seats for a Saturday night performance.  I could not be more excited.  Can you find a better definition of thoughtful? How ever will I find a comparable gift for his Sept. birthday?

Sailing Away

My husband is combating middle age by scheduling adventures.  It's been scuba, ballooning and talk of sky diving. Lucky for me I have been invited to, included in, and required for many of these events.  Our most recent is sailing.

He bought sailing lessons through Seven Seas Sailing School near the grain elevators.  The building is unimpressive to say the least, but the instructors are fabulous.  I thought I could learn some terminology and be fine.  Not so.  There is a ton to learn...jibe ho, tack port, in irons...this is a bit of work.  Our first lessons were informative and a bit daunting, but I have to say I was enjoying myself.

We did our first water sail last weekend.  To start, the instructor cut his hand on some rigging. Then we noticed a line stuck in the propeller - one of the students (an 50 something year old man) dove into the water to cut it loose.  It was trouble starting up but the winds were beautiful and I enjoyed our few hours in the sun.

Sunday we did our second sail on the water.  I was feeling confident until I noticed the high winds and the expression of pure delight on our instructor's face.  Our instructor is an adorable 20 something young man who sails 18 - 20 hours a weekend.  The boy was born to teach and you can tell he loves it. He and Max were checking out hotties on a smaller sail boat last week, a glance that almost had us crash into another boat.  But I digress...

This week I manned the main sail while Matty manipulated the jib and Max drove with the tiller.  We tacked right and I swear the boat tipped to it's side and we were parallel to the water!  My hair could have hit the waves, had I not been hanging on for dear life.  As smiles filled everyone else's face, I screamed to let the main sail loose so we slow down and lift up.  As main sail operator - I performed flawlessly and we were back in mellow territory.  Why am I the only one fearful of death but capsized sailboat?

One of the skills you learn by taking lessons is to perform a man overboard drill.  After seeing what needs to be done, I made Max promise me that he would never fall off the boat while sailing because I would have to leave him there.  When someone falls off a sailboat, you have to keep going until you are about 20 boat lengths away and then turn around to get close enough to pick him up but not too close to have the wind push the boat into him.  Keep in mind this is a 26 ft boat!  I cannot believe our crew was able to do this twice!  My contribution was simply watching the flotation device designated as the man overboard.

After two hours my palms were raw from gripping the lines, my face was permanently stuck in fear and my hair was wind blown.  It was time to dock.  The other couple with us did their best and just gently tapped the dock.  All safely returned to land. Not sure how those women on TV manage to look so graceful on a sailboat.  I was basically crawling around on my hands and knees - very UN ladylike.

It is definitely exhilarating to be on the water gliding through the wind, but also terrifying.  We have one more lesson and then we can be tested.  Once we pass, we can take out a sailboat on our own.  I can't see this happening.  The boys love it and Matty is already pricing used sailboats.  God help me.

Tubing with the Boys

Today my brother and nephews joined us on the Niagara River for a day of boating and tubing.  This was the kind of adventurer that justifies the boat, reinforces our decision to live in Buffalo and makes me realize just how lucky I am.

It started off a little rocky when we hit traffic on the 290.  As we are standing still, my brother called to say he needs gas.  Thankfully the fumes took him to the marina safely.

The sun was shining, the water was clear and the boys were ready to go.  Matty has obviously grown as a boat captain.  His ability to make waves, flip the kids and bring the tube airborne was impressive to say the least.  At one point, my nephew Gavin skipped across the water like a stone after being thrown from the tube.  Another time brought my other nephew Ethan under the water as he held onto the plummeting tube.  I think it may have even scared this adventurous and fearless daredevil.

The day become more adventurous when Captain Matty let Max take the helm and drive the boat.  All was going well until... we hit someone's wake and our novice driver accelerated instead of slowing down.  Capt. Matty was thrown from the front into the stairs and landed on his back like a turtle on his shell.  Gavin and Ethan were hanging on for dear life, Scott's jaw hit the deck and I screamed. Max recouped quickly but those 30 seconds felt like two hours.  Our captain suffered a few bruises, most obviously the bump of his leg that looks like another knee cap.  Max may need a little more practice.  He jumped back in though with one hand on the wheel, one on the window and cranked up the Ipod to bounce to the tunes.  Obviously he was not as frightened as his crew.

Max continued his learning as he experienced the strong river current.  We anchored the boat and the boys hung out on the tube.  Max fell from the tube and it seemed that he was being swept away.  After a few seconds he was several yards away.  He started swimming toward the tube, only to tire himself and get farther away.  The current had him, terror struck and we all jumped into action.  My brother Scott screamed to Gavin to hang on and to Max to stay where he was.  Scott was "man overboard lookout".  Ethan and I pulled up the anchor and Matty swung the boat around to get Max.  As he was drifting quickly toward the falls, we pulled him in and decided it may be time to go somewhere calmer.

We went to grass island and the boys swam to the shore while the adults relaxed in the sun. Atlas, everyone was getting tired and hungry.  It was 6:30 pm and time to head back.

I've spent a lot of time complaining to Matty about the cost of the boat, the effort to maintain it and the little time we are able to spend using it.  Those days are over.  The laughs from the boys and memories we made today are worth any dollar amount.

Max in red, Ethan in Front, Gavin on knee in back.

Just starting to take off!

Fill 'er Up

I started the day yesterday as I usually do with my pot of coffee.  However it wasn't enough so on my way to my first appointment, dressed in beautiful suit and mink coat, I stopped at Dunkin' Donuts for another cup.  Th eguy filled it right to the top and then did not fully snap the cap in place.  As I put it into the cup holder, the first splash hit the car.  As I picked it up, it spilled all over my coat and skirt.  Why the hell does the cup need to be filled to the very top?  Am I going to complain because I missed a sip?

Stop for lunch, order soup.  Again, it it filled to the very top of the bowl so as I walk it is spilling onto my paperwork and hands.  Yet another mess.

To add insult to the extreme, I then make dinner for the boys. Boiling milk, unattended, also spills all over the top of the pot and makes a complete mess of my recently cleaned stove. Now I am to blame.

The final straw came that night as I fill the bathtub with water for a relaxing hot bath, glass of wine at hand.  Well the phone rang, I forget about the tub until of course I notice a puddle in the doorway.  The water must have been running for 1/2 hour.  Yet another mess.

I blame the coffee guy for all my excess problems yesterday.  Talk about needed to set limits!

Keep Focus on Message

HBR blog had a terrific post on staying on message to win.  Although the point is to address nah-sayers and arguments while presenting a new idea or approach, I find the advice in this post to be relevant in any type of meeting.  I experienced a perfect example a few weeks ago.

We attended a mandatory kick off meeting comprised of about 20 teenagers and their parents, run and monitored by two highly capable teachers.  The scheduled time was 3 hours. I see no reason for a three hour meeting.  Just hearing the time frame makes me tired.  Who can maintain concentration for that long of a stretch?  However, I assume the meeting will be run smoothly and efficiently because of the massive amounts of material expected to be covered in that time frame.

Amongst problems like starting late, unknown technology and cramped facilities, the biggest challenge came about an hour into it when the meeting moderator experienced a complete loss of control. I really respect and like the moderator but the poor thing was over her head.  The aforementioned blog would have really helped.  You see the meeting was hi-jacked by two very loud and frankly obnoxious individuals.

Let me set the stage.  It is 6:30 pm, a storm is blowing outside, I am tired and am sitting in a room full of strangers with little in common.  The meeting starts late and no agenda in place.  It appears the parents at this meeting are very proud of their kids and really feel the need to express their pride so as to make a connection.  Note that is not my reason for being there.  I am not interested in making friends or connections.  I know bitchy, but come on I am a fairly busy person.

So the first hi-jacker decides she wants to help by bragging about her child's paper forming abilities.  It is essential to this woman that she describe the process and patterns in excrutiatingly painful detail.  Hey lady, why don't you set up a table after the meeting and anyone who gives a rat's fanny about it can meet you after the meeting to hear more of this fascinating child's skills set?  But for now SHUT UP.

Next up comes the 150 year old man who decides to present his recollections in the form of what the kids will experience.  Guess what grampa, time marches on and things change.  Your advice and experiences are old.  They may be interesting but not when we have important topics to review.  Set yourself up next to the crazy lady above and beguile your audience after this meeting.

I can somewhat empathize with the moderators, who obviously felt they needed to give everyone a voice and to be kind in faking interest.  But what about the rest of us who are ready to slit their wrists if these hi-jackers don't pipe down?

Maybe I am too aggressive and insensitive, but here is a little help for you wonderful moderators who do not want to hurt a potential hi-jacker's feelings.  Try saying "BE THAT AS IT MAY, we need to move on".  If that does not stop them, ignore them.  Eventually they will shut up.

Something is Wrong with our Justice System

Actually, there is a lot wrong with our justice system.  I am not a lawyer nor do I have any formalized education, outside of a few intellectual property and privacy classes for my masters program.  But I am a reasonable person who i slightly outraged this morning.

I'm not going to address malpractice suits or the insane ability of certain people to waste tax payers money for frivolous lawsuits.  I am not even going to focus on this abused Idaho woman who won the lottery but will most likely need to give half to her abusive spouse.  Instead I want to rant about Loughner, our recent Arizona killer.

Yes I can call him a killer because the man brutally murdered innocent 6 people including a 9 year old girl.  There is no question here.  It was witnessed by multiple people (I even think some of it was on film).  He was tackled down and held while the authorities.  So why can he plead not-guilty?  Why is a public defender assigned to him?  Why is that defender allowed to petition the court to move the trial from Tucson to ensure an jury that is not tainted?

This is not justice.  This is ridiculous.  It is process for process sake.  Fine, if we need to determine what to do with him - life sentence, insane asylum, death penalty.  But do we need to pretend that this is our judicial system working to protect the innocent before they are proven guilty.

In our current economic times does Arizona need the cost of this trial?  I cannot believe the media as tourists will bring enough money into the community to justify the cost.  Do the families of the deceased and injured need to relive the ordeal via trial over then next 5 - 8 years?

This entire thing sickens me.

Appreciating the Soft Power

Bravo to Vineet Nayar on her blog for HBR referencing the soft power of women leaders.  Although not only women demonstrate a soft power that I believe transcends the coercive power often demonstrated by men, I do believe that the influence of women leadership is too often trivialized.

We are a strong gender.  One that has been accepting lower wages, overt discrimination and condescending sexism for far too long.  It is refreshing to see an appreciation for inherit and natural power talents such as the ability to engage in dialogue as opposed to engaging with threats; the ability to mediate as opposed to dictate and event he ability to influence by attraction.

Articles like this bring me hope for our girls and for our future.

Is it so difficult to say thanks?

I have a huge problem with people who cannot say thank you.  In the past few days, it has happened so much that I am considering taking out a billboard reminding people what common courtesy is all about.

The one that really annoyed me and seems to be the straw that broke the camel's back, involves email. We all know that as convenient and ubiquitous as email has become, it often causes misunderstandings.  The inability to consistently get the intended emotion (emoticons aside)  for the written words, is difficult to address.  HOWEVER, there are a few words that can help. Two are Thank You.

Let's take this example.  I was doing a favor for someone.  This someone is a new acquaintance so we do not have much of a repor and we relate strictly in a professional environment.  The favor may have seems little but it was an inconvenience and took several hours of my time.  We discussed the details via email.  With over 5 emails written, he did not ONCE say the words thank you...nothing mentioning appreciation...nothing acknowledging  my time commitment...nothing nothing nothing.   After the first two, I made it a point to add thank you to each of my notes.  The big guy did not get the hint.

It's not that I need a parade or monster recognition.  It's also not like I am so hurt and dismayed by his ignorance.  I just think that people need to be a bit more considerate.  I lost respect for him due to this and even more so I will not go out of my way to help him.

I can type Thank You in less than 2 seconds.  Was the absence of this sentiment worth those two extra seconds?

My Beautiful Birthday Boy

My baby turns 15 today and I am a flooded with mixed emotions.  Of course I love his birthday because I love him so very much.  But who can hide the sadness of  missing Max at 3... at 5 ...at 8?  How can I refrain from crying knowing that I only have 3 more birthdays with him at home (most likely he will be away at college which is what I want but still).

He is turning into quite an amazing man.  This year he really grew up, physically at 6 ft 132 pounds but emotionally, intellectually and socially as well.  His priorities have moved from video games to academic success.  He demonstrates empathy and responsibility in a way I never did as a teenager.  He drives himself athletically and maintains strong social relationships.  He still doesn't make up his bed, but hell neither does his dad.

I know he thinks I am old and uncool but I also know he fully understands how very important he is to me.  To soothe my emotionality, to note how hip I am to the new poetry scene, and probably to confirm how uncool I am, I offer this haiku for my lovely young man:

Maxwell fills my heart

My days, my mind, my dry soul

He is all of me 

Happy Birthday Sway!

 

Personal Help

Ever since I turned 40 I have realized that the significance of certain professional people in my life has changed.  In other words, I need a few people more than I ever have.

First, the hair stylist.  When I was young, I could get my hair styled anywhere and it would still be ok.  The appointment was more to make me feel special and pampered than it was to make me presentable.  Now I need Bill (the best hairstylist ever) to simply keep me offending the general public.  Hours of styling, coloring, cutting, conditioning... the poor boy works his ass off.

Second, the tailor.  Remember when a 4 or even a 6 fit perfectly?  I never had to try anything on.  Clothes are made to be worn by people with certain measurements and those people are usually young.  Even my husband remembers the days of no thought - simply khakis and a white v-neck.  It doesn't matter if  lose weight, I still need areas tucked and lifted.

Third, the cleaning lady. Not only do I need her because I truly do not have time to clean, but I am noticing that the older I get the more annoyed I am with a dirty or messy house.  I wonder if there is something clinical linking an abhorrence of household dirt to geriatrics.

Fourth, my dermatologist.  You would think he is the teenager's best friend.  But no, that hormonal acne come back with a vengeance during menopause or so I hear ;-).  Also ladies, the dermatologist has the BEST winkle cream for a fraction of the cost.

Fifth, my husband.  For sticking around happily and making me laugh when the above people cannot help.

Wal-Mart - one good thing

Anyone who knows me has heard my rant about the ills of Wal-Mart and how I refuse to shop there.  In reading the NY TImes yesterday I was drawn to the article about this giant of disgust going healthy.  Now after years of bad mouthing this place, I have to give a shout out.

Apparently, this monster retailer has embarked on a five year plan to lower unhealthy ingredients in their products as well as reduce the price of fruits and vegetables.  Mama Obama showed them the light.  Bravo.

One of the things I hated about this organization was their need to supply items so cheaply as a facade for helping the average guy, when they were burying the suppliers in unrealistic price demands.  Well its about time they lower the prices on items our gluttonous society needs like fruits and vegetables rather than subpar caviar and oversized televisions.

I am still not an advocate of Wal-Mart but if you check out the average Wal-Mart shopper you will have to agree that this is a step in the right direction to help these sad sacks.

Interesting People

My son and I had a fantastic conversation regarding human interaction.  As you know I am a fairly social being and my son is just as, if not more, gregarious than I am.  He values the people he meets and the relationships he forms, as opposed to his dad who would prefer to be left alone on his boat with a sack full of books.

In discussing these relationships with him, I realized how fortunate I am to have met some amazingly interesting people. No they are not rock stars or ancient medicine men.  They are people you meet in your day to day life that, once you dig a little deeper, you realize they are really quite fascinating.  I would even say they are inspiring.

For example, this week was a fantastic uncovering of interesting everyday people that I work with.  Consider one consultant who is working on her masters in Music (violin being her specialty) and also curls.  Or the Office Manager who is an amazing artist and teacher (loving kids and seniors) as well as the founder of her own successful singing trio.  How about the brilliant tech guy who married into a farming family and has spent years living and working on a fully functional farm?  I even found out that a colleague used to play jazz guitar with the Colored Musician's Group.

Don't get me wrong, I also meet a great deal of losers and assholes.  But overall, most are interesting and the really goods go on to become wonderful friendships

Shocking Research on Tears

Its a big one:  Women's emotional tears are a sexual turn off for men.  Hope remains for the weaker sex. So even if I am wearing that sexy thong and you have opened an expensive bottle of champagne, if I cry the date's over?

Isreali researchers have found that there is a chemical reaction in men triggered by women's emotional tears.  You have to read the research to get all the details, but I find this amazing.  To be able to determine a chemical reaction in one gender based solely on the olfactory function of another is really cool science.

However, should we be surprised by the results?  I would hope that any man worth his testosterone, would find women's crying as a significant signal to keep the zipper up and try a little compassion instead.

One of the other lesser interesting notes about this research is why it was done using women's tears.  Apparently the test team could not find men who cry.  Now that two men have been identified, the research can continue.

Sympathies

My sympathies go out to the people of Tucson AZ who were victim or family/friends of victims involved in the senseless shooting. Do you think it may be time to bring up gun control?

As heartbreaking as this story is, we can't be too surprised.  The shooter had an automatic weapon allowing him to pop off 9 shots before reloading.  How is this part of our "right-to-bear-arms"?  We have seen a year of violence breaking out at political rallies of fear producing messages and even our friend Ms. Palin used targets to represent the people who she needs to eliminate.  All of this hatred and violence and lack of responsibility had added to the ugliness we are faced with today.

I am not a fan of guns. However, if you are the type of person who is afraid that you or your family will be attacked in your home and if you have the moral fiber to actually shoot an intruder, fine.  Be allowed to have a gun in the house.  But an automatic rifle?  Or even more than one?  Have we seen any media promoting how fortunate a man was because he was able to shot an intruder.  Oh how essential that we all carry guns.

The political conversation in this country has turned from intellectual debate to trash talk.  Some of it unfounded, fear producing and frankly ridiculous.  When you give the general public a target, you should expect that the fringe element will respond.

Can we stop wasting so much time on who marries whom and maybe worry more who is shooting whom?

Leaks - Where's the Plumber

We live in an old home and have therefore had numerous experiences with leaky faucets.  No only is it a waste of valuable resources (water) but that annoying drip drip drip sounds is enough to drive someone insane.  For leaks, we call our plumber.  Who can we call to fix our WikiLeaks problem?

When Mr. Assange first came into the media, I had mixed feelings.  As a techno-geek I was thrilled by the ability to pull it off; as a US citizen I was embarrassed and empathetic toward our political "agents"; as a bit of a rebel at heart I was satisfied that secrets would be uncovered.  However, after much consideration I as an adult realize that some things need to remain secret.

Let's be realistic, in utopia we would all be open and free and honest.  That's not the way the global world works, it not the way anyone works.  This is not utopia and face it the general population is not all that bright.  Need I refer to the popularity of Sarah Palin and The Jersey Shore?  Hate to quote a movie, but Jack Nicholson was right "You can't handle the truth".

Sure I want transparency.  But not 100%.  Not when we are putting so many foreign government officials at risk.  It would be different, if the average citizen had a plan to accomplish the same goals without using some of the tactics employed.  The Monday morning quarterback lives.  Who among the average internet surfer is equipped to comment beyond - "Wow we are terrible and shouldn't do it".  Is that same person free of any white lie, any creative tax technique, any extra cable?

Its not black and white.  If we are so concerned about being all knowing, where is the list of attendees to Chaney's energy talks while at the White House?  Where are the banking documents?  Does anyone else find it odd that our nations security secrets are devulged prior to the secrets of our financial institutions?  Money talks.

My faucets continue to leak, water is being wasted, the noise is making me crazy and the plumber continues to deflate my wallet.  Aren't our government officials being wasted?  Are you sick of all the internet noise regarding these leaks?  How much is it going to cost to fix the damage that is being done?  We need a extra strength plumber.

Sharpening Your Knives

This is going to be more of a public service announcement than an observation.  Be extra careful after you sharpen your knives.

My wonderful parents bought me a knife sharpener for Christmas.  I was thrilled.  My prized Henckel knives have been bending the fruit rather than slicing through it and I really did not relish the idea of taking my cutlery to a knife sharpening store.  It sounds stupid, but just think of what could happen with all those sharp (well not super sharp) instruments in the back of your car.  You could stop suddenly and have them all shoot out from the back seat into the back of your head.  Or you could stop at a light and have a crazed gang enter the car, grab the knives and stab you for your purse.  The risks are numerous.  Thank God I can sharpen in the privacy of my own home.

So I set up the sharpener, reading all the directions.  You would be surprised on how important your hand movements and holding angle are to the quality of your blade.  I started with a lovely pairing knife.  Was gentle at first and only ran it through a couple of times.  Went into the fridge and took out a pint of grape tomatoes to test the blade.  This pairing knife did better but not great.  I went back to the sharpener and really ran it through.  Now it sliced through the tomato as if it wasn't event here!

Took all the knives from the block and ran them through - the chef's knife, the bread knife, the fish scaler and even the clever.  After each sharpen, I was off to cut some tomatoes.  Finished the Henckels and moved on to the steak knives, the old pairing knives at the bottom of the drawer and even consider the scissors -but no scissors could be ruined.  I was obsessed. Actually ran out of tomatoes to cut.

All sharpened and the sharpener put away, I forgot about my adventure until it was time to cook dinner.  This time the knife did not cut through the tomato, instead it cut my thumb, then my index finger and finally my pinkie nail! Blood and bandages dotted the kitchen.

So as much fun as knife sharpening can be - take my words of caution and proceed with caution or at least wear an oven mitt for the first few slices.

Five Minute Review

I am hooked on the Harvard Business Review.  Not that I am in a position to implement the suggestions or to even discuss the options, but I love the intellect and point of view conveyed in most of the articles.

Recently I read a blog by Peter Bregman on Managing Yourself which suggested that you spend the last 5 minutes of your  day to consider what worked and what didn't.  The point is to continually learn and improve.  Review our successes and work toward repeating them, while evaluating your failures and work toward changing the actions that caused such failures.

I love this idea and not just for work.  How productive it would be to evaluate the the entire day I know myself and unfortunately that evaluation usually takes place while I am lying in bed unable to sleep.  Replaying what I could have said better or how I could have handled a situation differently.  At the very least I should be able to sleep better at night.

So for today, here are a few things I am considering:
- Read the paper before work. Definitely a plus that made me more aware of my surroundings.
- Yelled at the kid to wake up at least 3 times and still he did not have time for a good breakfast.   Not good.  Should have told him once, made the breakfast and refuse to drive him until the breakfast was eaten.  Will try that tomorrow.
- Experienced two great customer service results.   WIll send thank you's to their management.


 Pretty easy to do.  Think I will continue on this path.

Canada Plummets USA

If you live in or around Buffalo and have not spent the last week under a rock, you are aware that the World Junior Hockey Championship has been playing at HSBC arena.  My husband and son have went to several games so I decided I should probably take in at least one.  My choice:  Canada vs. USA.

All week the newspapers have been reporting on disparaging remarks on Buffalo and what a ghost town it is.  You cannot walk down Chippewa without being greeted by a group of 10 or more athletic guys wearing the same warm up suits.

Being aware of this, I still hadn't a clue about the fanfare.  We went to the arena and the hype was incredible.  We have spent many evenings utilizing box tickets at HSBC to see everything from Sabres games to concerts and never has it been so alive and LOUD.  The arena was red, majority of the seats willed with Canadian fans in full garb...wrapped in flags, painted faces and of course red and white jerseys.  The crowd never stopped chanting.  Needless to say the arena was jumping.

As a USA fan I was definitely in the minority.  It was the first time I was at a home game, where the home team was booed and the visitors (Canada) were praised.  Anyone who questions Canadian hockey fans needs to go to a World Junior Hockey Championship.  The fans were crazed.  Never have I seen a "wave" executed with such precision and continuity.

We couldn't hear the announcers because the crowd was roaring.  I heard a great deal of C-A-N-A-D-A but also some other chants.  I thought I heard "cannon ball" but my husband swears they were saying "Where's the mall".  More likely the latter.

It was an ugly night for the USA.  We feared a shutout until the last minutes of the 3rd period. At 4-1 and only 5 minutes remaining, we snuck out of the box to our car.  Yes we wanted to beat the traffic with our heads held low ( yes, we are THOSE people).  Even with this incredible loss, it was something to experience and I am happy I went.  Who would have thought the junior hockey fan base was so intense.  Plus the hockey was great fun to watch.

If you can, catch a game.  And to our USA team, better luck in 2012

Tech Support

Because I work in the information technology field, several people ask me to help with their computer issues assuming that I know (or should know) all things technical.  I don't and worse than not knowing, I am a terrible teacher with absolutely no patience. Today I had a taste of what it is like to be on the receiving end of technical support.

This morning's wake up call was a dead work computer.  It would not accept power from the battery or the outlet.  Keep in mind I work remotely and am pretty much useless if I do not have an operable computer.  Lucky for me most of my applications are in the cloud so I can access my work information from any computer.  I set up on my personal MacBook and sent out my first email to the company that I have somehow fried the laptop and need another.  My boss ever so generously drops by with a laptop he recently acquired from a dismissed employee but had not yet returned to Rochester, as a temporary fix. So my desk now has three computers on it and non are ideal:  my work laptop is dead, my personal laptop cannot handle the load needed for my business applications and the extra laptop that was just dropped off is riddled with junk and not set up correctly for me to use.  

I really need mine fixed and hate the idea of sending it away.  But I have to bite the bullet and deal with it.  Went online, checked the warranty (yeah still active) and called tech support. Thought at the very least they could send me a box to express ship it and put a high priority on repair.  I was on hold for 29 minutes before someone answered and stated she needed to transfer me to support.  I thought that was who I called.  Another 20 minutes and I meet Bernard, who soon becomes the love of my life :-).

Let me digress.  As I was on hold I couldn't help but think about the weekend where I promised to help my dad set up his GPS and my mom download her first ebook on the Nook.  I was not very kind.  Basically I yelled at their questions, snubbed their suggestions and failed to disguise my annoyance with their lack of understanding.  Well let me say I AM SORRY loud and clear.  Because I now am on that side of the fence.

Bernard answers with his strong southern accent (I was calling the center in Atlanta) and could not be more pleasant.  He tells me to remove the battery, ensure the power cable is not plugged in and then proceed to depress the on button, hold for 4 seconds and repeat.  He asked me to do this 10 times and on the 11th time to hold the button depressed for 30 seconds.  Seriously?  I relay think he is pulling my leg because this sounds so ridiculous.  I question him every step of the way and even give him a little attitude (what is wrong with me?).  When I shut up long enough to do as he instructs, I find he is right.

It worked!  Can you believe it?  I always mock the people who tell me to turn the computer on and off to fix it but this actually worked.  Apparently, the machine accumulated static which caused a reverse in voltage or charge.  How bizarre!

Now I'm feeling pretty guilty.  Bernard was wonderful... he was patient, non-condescending and dare I say pleasant.  I had the nicest guy in tech support while my parent's had to deal with bitching Bonnie.  Sorry sorry sorry!

Promise to be more like Bernard in the future so let the tech support begin!

Happy Birthday Gavin

I adore ALL of my nieces and nephews. Having them is benefiting from the fun and craziness of kids without the big worry items. Each is different and amazing in their own way.  Today my nephew Gavin is celebrating his 8th birthday - hmm I think it is 8, anyway that is not the important part.

Every time I see this kid, I want him to move in with me and be Max's little brother.  Maybe its because he is so much like Max or maybe its because I see I lot of my brother in him. But the kid is fabulous.  First of all he is adorable!  Blond hair, puppy dog eyes and the most knowing smirk you have ever encountered.

When he was a toddler, Gavin wanted nothing to do me with.  Probably because I smothered him every chance I got!

This illustrates our initial relationship.  I was driving and he was in the back car seat, probably he was 3 years old.  I told him I wanted to kiss his entire face.  He responded that he would turn into a zombie and eat my brains.  But why?  He stated because he does not like me.   I countered with "Why my brains?  If you don't like me my brains would taste bad."  He thought about it and after much debate agreed that as a zombie he would eat dog food instead but would scare  me whenever I tried to kiss him because he does not like me.  I told him I ADORE him and would love him even if he was a zombie.  He proceeded to turn into other hideous creatures to try to get me to not love him anymore.  Well there just wasn't anything he could bring up to refute my affections.  Finally we settled that if I bought him a milkshake he  would probably stay a little boy and not attack me, but he still wouldn't give me a kiss.

Since then, our relationship has gotten even better.  He is the kind of kid who names his minature hamster Philaroni.  He warned me that he has to wear oven mitts when he picks up Philaroni because the hamster bites whenever he squeezes him.  Hmmm.

My favorite part of Gavin is that he will just randomly come up to you and cuddle....for no reason at all.
I still kiss his whole face, but now whenever I see him, he runs up to me and gives me a hug.  In return I sneak him candy.

Gavin will certainly not be reading my blog but I wanted to wish him a Happy Birthday anyway.  Love you!

Looking for the Good news

This morning I walk to the Co-op with dog in tow, to get start the year off right with The Buffalo News.  Filled with hope for 2011 I purchase my pumpkin muffin, organic Lovebug coffee and the news.  Before I can even shallow the first gulp, my hope starts to fade.  The top three headlines on the front page address homicides, the horrific position of NYS and the bad-mouthing of Buffalo b the Junior Hockey tournament viewers.  Where is my good news?

It's not that I simply want to fluff pieces.  I actually do want to know what's going on in the city, region, state, county and world. The media should be presenting all things good and bad, its just that the good seams so much lighter than the bad.  Can't spend the first week of a new year focusing on difficult political challenges, murders and cynics can I?

Here is my approach.  I will read each article with the sole intent of looking for the good in each situation.  Let's begin...

- New governor delivers inaugural address.  I could read that the government is the largest part of the NYS situation and that irresponsible fiscal leadership and sketchy ethics prevail.  Instead I read that the governor has a fresh look and is more than capable of offering the olive branch to political adversaries and working together to make NYS a powerhouse once again.

- Fifty five homicides were reported in Buffalo in 2010.  I could read about the teenagers who were gunned down and the innocent kids killed because of anger.  Instead I read that homicides are down by 8.3%.  That our county hospital staff did a stellar job in saving many of the lives that would have increased that number and that there is a push by neighborhoods to work more closely with the police.


- Buffalo called a ghost town by junior hockey USA team player.  But the hockey is great and many people see Buffalo as hospitable with great sportsmanship and excellent hockey facilities.

Hey this may be working, I am already feeling better!  I am going to keep going.

- Brazil's new president is a women
- North Korea promoting peace talks
- Russian plane explodes by most passengers survive
- Evacuation of Capitol simply a false alarm
- Obama is getting both sides of the aisle to work together ( ok I may have taken it too far)

Off to a great start.  I don't think I have changed the news or ignored the real message. But I still feel hopeful for 2011!