Definition of Thoughtfulness

My husband is a very generous and thoughtful man.  He has an exceptional talent for getting the perfect gifts for the people he cares about.  This year for my birthday, he epitomized the word thoughtful.

For several weeks before my birthday, he kept telling me that he has finally gotten me something that I am always bugging him for.  It's not too expensive and it is not jewelry, so I really had not idea.  At first I thought those Christian Louboutin shoes..no he said that was superficial, then I thought a new fur coat...no he said that was redundant.  I started wondering what stupid thing I brought up that I was no longer interested in.  I know it is shocking but I may sometimes have a short attention span.

Well he did it.  He bought me tickets to see Madame Butterfly at the Metropolitan Opera House in NYC.  You may be saying, so what?  Let me explain why this is so thoughtful.  Matty and I started our love of opera together when we lived in Detroit.  Before each opera, we would buy the CD and listen to it prior to attending the performance.  Every time we travel, we try to get opera tickets.

Since we have started seeing opera, I have begged him to get tickets to the Met.  We tried on several occasions and each time, our timing was off.  Either they were sold out or we just couldn't coordinate it.   Every time we go to the Regal theaters and see that advertisement for Opera at the Met on the live screen,  I gently punch him and complain that the Met will go bankrupt before I get there.

So the first weekend of December we will be flying to NYC to see my favorite opera at the most desirable venue.  We have hotel and dining plans to add to this winter escape to NY.  Best of all, my husband also purchased a ticket for Max.  He knew that I would want to expose Max to the joy of opera - even though Max is not nearly as thrilled.

Matty worked on getting these tickets for months.  Three fabulous seats for a Saturday night performance.  I could not be more excited.  Can you find a better definition of thoughtful? How ever will I find a comparable gift for his Sept. birthday?

My Beautiful Birthday Boy

My baby turns 15 today and I am a flooded with mixed emotions.  Of course I love his birthday because I love him so very much.  But who can hide the sadness of  missing Max at 3... at 5 ...at 8?  How can I refrain from crying knowing that I only have 3 more birthdays with him at home (most likely he will be away at college which is what I want but still).

He is turning into quite an amazing man.  This year he really grew up, physically at 6 ft 132 pounds but emotionally, intellectually and socially as well.  His priorities have moved from video games to academic success.  He demonstrates empathy and responsibility in a way I never did as a teenager.  He drives himself athletically and maintains strong social relationships.  He still doesn't make up his bed, but hell neither does his dad.

I know he thinks I am old and uncool but I also know he fully understands how very important he is to me.  To soothe my emotionality, to note how hip I am to the new poetry scene, and probably to confirm how uncool I am, I offer this haiku for my lovely young man:

Maxwell fills my heart

My days, my mind, my dry soul

He is all of me 

Happy Birthday Sway!

 

Happy Birthday Gavin

I adore ALL of my nieces and nephews. Having them is benefiting from the fun and craziness of kids without the big worry items. Each is different and amazing in their own way.  Today my nephew Gavin is celebrating his 8th birthday - hmm I think it is 8, anyway that is not the important part.

Every time I see this kid, I want him to move in with me and be Max's little brother.  Maybe its because he is so much like Max or maybe its because I see I lot of my brother in him. But the kid is fabulous.  First of all he is adorable!  Blond hair, puppy dog eyes and the most knowing smirk you have ever encountered.

When he was a toddler, Gavin wanted nothing to do me with.  Probably because I smothered him every chance I got!

This illustrates our initial relationship.  I was driving and he was in the back car seat, probably he was 3 years old.  I told him I wanted to kiss his entire face.  He responded that he would turn into a zombie and eat my brains.  But why?  He stated because he does not like me.   I countered with "Why my brains?  If you don't like me my brains would taste bad."  He thought about it and after much debate agreed that as a zombie he would eat dog food instead but would scare  me whenever I tried to kiss him because he does not like me.  I told him I ADORE him and would love him even if he was a zombie.  He proceeded to turn into other hideous creatures to try to get me to not love him anymore.  Well there just wasn't anything he could bring up to refute my affections.  Finally we settled that if I bought him a milkshake he  would probably stay a little boy and not attack me, but he still wouldn't give me a kiss.

Since then, our relationship has gotten even better.  He is the kind of kid who names his minature hamster Philaroni.  He warned me that he has to wear oven mitts when he picks up Philaroni because the hamster bites whenever he squeezes him.  Hmmm.

My favorite part of Gavin is that he will just randomly come up to you and cuddle....for no reason at all.
I still kiss his whole face, but now whenever I see him, he runs up to me and gives me a hug.  In return I sneak him candy.

Gavin will certainly not be reading my blog but I wanted to wish him a Happy Birthday anyway.  Love you!

Twins with Singular Perspectives

I am a twin.  My sister and I are complimentary but very different in so many ways including our political views, physical appearances, families and vacations. She has always been the nice one; the sweet one; the one who befriended the down trodden and odd.  I have always been the bitchy one.

Today is our birthday and another area where we differ.  You see Annie loves her birthday, whereas I hate any reminder that I am speeding toward my death.  I will not go gently into that dark night.  We always try to talk on our birthdays.  She lives in Chicago and it is difficult for us to get together to celebrate so at least we chat on our day.  Last year was no different.  I can't remember who called whom but I can clearly remember her voice.

She was elated.  Apparently her staff decorated her office and there were flowers, balloons and a cake.  The planned evening celebration included a pleasantly coiffed family and an expensive restaurant.  She reminisced about past celebrations and how fun it is to have everyone thinking of you.

My response was a little different.  I mentioned the aches and pains, the cynicism, the bleak future dotted with doctor visits, loss of senses and of course complete removal from participation in any marketing demographic outside of adult diapers and gravestones.  I explained my boys try to cheer me up but I prefer to wallow in self pity.

How can two people who shared a womb have such different outlooks.  All I can think is that I was first and therefore had to pave the path.  Maybe my view has always been more frightening.

Happy Birthday my optimistic twin.  Your excitement and enthusiasm for the day pokes a little sunshine into my dark mood.

Happy Birthday Daddy

I am fortunate enough to say I had a great childhood and still participate in a very loving family.  That statement could not be made were it not for the efforts, love and unyielding support of my father.  There is no way I could convey the love and respect I feel for my dad in a few paragraphs.  From the time I can remember he has always been there - I mean really there - for me.

As a little girl, he would play ridiculous games with me and my siblings in the pool, creating nicknames and reason after reason for laughing.  He was the one who told me how beautiful I looked in a dress and insisted we buy it without ever mentioning the price tag.  It was my dad, who interrogated my boyfriends to ensure they showed me the respect I deserved.  And it was my dad who made me know that I could go out and try anything without fear of failure because I was always welcome back home.

As an adult we discussed current topics, although his social security views were not as progressive as mine, he taught me how to stand up for myself and present my opinions intelligently and respectfully.  When it was time for me to marry, he completely accepted my husband as his son and became the father-in-law any man would dream of.   His love for my mother and commitment to his marriage is a beautiful example for my husband and me.  As a grandfather, he is jaja to my son.  Recreating the laughter of my childhood for my son and his cousins.

On this day, he doesn't have the energy he had when he was my age and unfortunately I found out he is not an all knowing god.  But he is perfect to me and I love him very much.  I look forward to spending many more years with him.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Birthday Wishes for My Brother

Today is my brother's birthday.  I was thinking how I could really convey his essence to this audience while giving him tribute.  It was difficult, but here are my top 10 favorite brother moments!

10.  He dresses as an elf to humor my toddler son one Christmas.  Note he wore green tights and very skimpy red speedos, not to mention the point boots, hat and little jig performance.

9.  While traveling back home from South Africa for work, he failed to call his wife noting he would be late. This prompted an all out family distress search including contacting his boss, the police and even the state department.

8.  He has a great fear of his own blood, therefore a carpentry accident causing a chunk to be removed from his finger, also resulted in the big guy passing out.

7.  As a kid he would sneeze uncontrollably with just a sniff of pepper.  One Sunday dinner, his sisters made him sniff the pepper shaker.  Although this resulted in a a punishment for all of us, we could not stop laughing as he could not stop sneezing.

6. He is a great dad; throwing fully themed birthday parties, building zip line connected tree houses and basically being a kid himself.

5. When his wife was still his girlfriend, she broke up with him.  That year he wrote us all sincere, thoughtful poems.  What a sensitive guy.

4.  Never afraid to play with his appearance:  Dyed his hair platinum, pierced his tongue, tattoed his arm/calf.

3. Ridiculous business opportunities from kitchen remodeling to using the kids as slave labor in a water scheme.

2.  Coffee dates. He drinks vanilla cappuccino with three sugars.  He listens, gives advice even if unsolicited and basically makes me feel better.

1. Lunch.  Lunch with him, any time, any where results in consuming great wine and laughing hysterically.  Present a photo to any waitress in the Amherst area and they will recognize him with a smile.

Happy Birthday luv!

Birthdays should honor moms

Today is my son's birthday and a time to celebrate how thrilled I am that he is here and mine.  Even with the dirty room, the questionable internet habits and the lazy study skills, I love and adore my son and would not trade him in for anyone.

So first and foremost I wish him a very happy birthday.

I would however like to reinvent birthday honors.  Yes we are all thrilled that the birthday person is around but who is really the one that should be honored?  It is the mother.  Yes yes yes.  I could even be persuaded to include the father, but let's focus on good old mom.

It was the mom who went through nine months of tight clothes, swollen ankles and nausea.  It was the mom who had to make concessions with her career and sit through horrific delivery training videos.  It was the mom whose body experienced the "beauty" of childbirth and then developed utters to feed the child.  All that prior to leaving the hospital!

What about the tears shed when your child gets hurt by the unforgiving stairs or the mean kid in pre-school?  What about the anxiety over when he will talk or walk or use the potty?  Nights crying over poor choices and unknown futures.

Maybe the benefits outweigh any possible birthday celebration for moms. We get that feeling when they spontaneously come up and kiss us.  We get the joy of being on the receiving line of one of their beautiful smiles.  We get to know that regardless of what they do or who they become, they are a part of us forever.

So birthday celebrations to me - the mom.  I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Here is last year's family celebration.