A Hypothetical Situation

Let's say hypothetically of course, that you are the mother of a teenage boy and that as you were working with him on his computer you came across a porn site in his site history.  Again, this is simply hypothetically because if it really did happen you would be too embarrassed, angry and disappointed in him to think straight much less write about it.

So at first you explode.  Actually the very first reaction is disbelief.  My baby couldn't possibly have accessed this disgusting trash on purpose.  15 seconds later you realize oh yes he did.  Now we are at anger.  Is it wrong to scream at the top of your voice that this is not the way you raised him?  How about refusing all access to phone, ipod, tv and computer for the next several months or at least until he can prove himself trustworthy?  Would it be appropriate to want to beat him senseless?

You scream that you will personally take down all internet pornography. It will be your mission to destroy the adult entertainment industry.  All past beliefs that censorship is wrong, have flown out the window.   Censor everything!

After you catch your breathe, remember of course that this is all hypothetical, the ager turns to bewilderment.  Why on earth would he do this?  So you ask the question.  But atlas that boy knows you and answers with the "I was just curious.  It will never happen again".  So when i ( I mean the theoretical you) ask him if he would like to show his grandmother or aunt his new found interest or if he would like to go over the site with his mother and explain what is so fascinating about it, would that be wrong?

Now he is embarrassed and upset, lets ask more questions.  Do you need to see the psychiatrist at school to discuss appropriate behavior?  Do you feel that the objectification of women is ok?  Do you have any respect for the opposite gender?  The situation could turn into a "teachable moment" discussing the body, shame, respect and revulsion.  Difficult to teach when your heart is beating through your blouse.

Hypothetically, would your husband then step in and have an adult, mature, fatherly conversation with your son?  Send him to bed so he can think about his actions.  Then proceed to tell me (I mean this mother) that teenage boys in this day and age are curious.  That we need to make sure he understands why not only access but pornography and the adult entertainment industry is unacceptable.  We need to punish him but he needs to understand.   Maybe then your husband makes you a cup of tea, brings you a box of tissues and holds you while you cry about what a failure as a mother you have become.  The tears are really shed for the loss of your son's innocence.

You wake up the next morning and you realize that it will not get easier.  That the growing up of your son is more than just bigger sized clothes and more homework.  You won't see him light up when PLUTO waves to him.  He won't run and jump into your lap with his arms wide open anymore.  But you will continue to adore him, to love him and to suffer for him.  The realization only makes you cry yet again.

Hypothetically, of course.