Drug Test Questions

I am starting a new job and they require a background check and drug test.  So this morning I left the house at 7:00 am to drive to Rochester for my mandatory test.  Asked my son to go along for the ride and keep me company.

Hour fifteen minutes there, three minutes to pee in cup, and an hour fifteen back.  The conversation on the way back was worth the drive.  My teenage son found it hysterical that I would have to take a drug test.  His questions and scenarios were non-stop.

KID:  What do they test for?  Prescription drugs, pot, etc?
ME:  Cocaine and marijuana.
KID:  Why not crack and heroin?
ME:  Because if I was on crack or heroin I would not have been able to make it past the first interview.
KID:  Do drug addicts use other people's urine?  How about animals?  Raccoons?
ME: You cannot use animal urine.  Its different.
KID: How?  They eat meat and vegetation like us.  What if the raccoon ate people food?  Urine is just waste right?
ME:  Are we really having this conversation?
KID:  I guess it is ridiculous because you could never get a raccoon to pee in a cup. (shy smile)

Then we moved to all the nicknames for drugs he "learned" through health class and why the drugs were called those names.  Moving on to who discovered certain drugs?  What if you accidentally used drugs in your food, like coccaine thinking it was sugar.

Then onto what if you fail the test.  I won't I don't do drugs.  What if there is some mix up? Aren't you concerned that your new employer thinks you're a drug user?  What did you wear on your interview?  I told you the eye makeup makes you look dark and evil...some would say strung out.

Seriously, he kept me discussing this topic for the full hour and fifteen minutes home. I tried to interject continually with the dangers of drugs and how I will kill him if he ever tries them.

As we pulled into the driveway he showed me the business card he took from the testing place.  Claimed he was going to let all his friends know that he had to accompany me to mandatory drug testing. Should get some lovely calls from parents this month.