Patient Satisfaction

Can you go anywhere anymore without being bombarded by some type of satisfaction survey or questionnaire?  First it was the car dealer who not only sent you the survey but called to beg you to give all the highest marks. Next it was the online survey after everything online purchase.  I have given poor reviews and really haven't seen any difference based on my comments.... especially when it comes to banks.

Today I have seen the most ludicrous implementation of the satisfaction questionnaire.  My father in law had some surgery so I went to visit with him.  When he returns from rehab, the very attentive and kind nurses serve him his lunch.  His roommate is pleasant and talkative, so things are going well thus far.

As he begins to eat, a women with a clipboard comes bouncing in and announcing that she needs to ask these gentlemen a few questions.  Hey don't mind that they both just did heavy duty rehab and are trying to enjoy their hospital lunch.  Just as she begins to ask the first questions, a lovely but determined elderly volunteer comes in to check if the hospital is treating these men appropriately.  Well the two square off like its High Noon at OK Corral.

"What are you asking them because I only have a few questions."
"Well I am with the surgeon so mine are more detailed and important".
"We cannot both do it now, so I am asking first"
" Two more people are coming from rehab and ..."

This interchange goes on for about 10 minutes, with both patients looking exhausted.  Oh yeah you are really concerned about the patients.

So the younger bouncey one wins and starts the interrogation.

"What is the maximum pain you have experience on a rating of 1 - 10 with 10 being the most intense?"  My father says its been great, only a 3.  His roommate throws out an 8.

"What is the least amount of pain using the same scale?"  Both reply 1.  Cool.

"How was your rehab, on a scale of 1 - 10 with 10 being the best".  My dad - 10.  His roommate 8.  Oh no she cannot have that.  She inquires why and the roommate simply states nothing is perfect but it was fine.  Apparently not good enough.  "Well what do we need to do to get it to a 10?"  No thoughts.  "You must think something otherwise you would have said 10".  No kidding she is berating the patient on an 8.  Is she getting paid based on his evaluation?  Thankfully she claims she will have to get back to that at the end.  My pain is now a 7 moving quickly upward.

"How well was your pain relieved while in rehab? 10 being completely relieved".    My father states he isn't really having pain so he is good.  She stops dead "And...?"  He just looks at her lost until she screams "I need a number!" Not that I am a survey expert but I am pretty sure this is not the point.  Not too mention the scale inconsistencies.

I am now at a 10 for survey pain and see that both gentlemen are exhausted.  A few more and she leaves, looking like she performed her job and is satisfied that she can knock this room off her list.

How is this beneficial to customer care?  How does this justify a paycheck?  Who the hell trains these people?  The hospital was great in terms of care, cleanliness and attentiveness however I would rate them a big fat 0 in terms of customer satisfaction protocol!