Gotta be in it to win it

I like that trite little lottery tag line Gotta Be In It to Win It .  It couples nicely with another useful point that showing up is half the challenge.

We recently experienced this as my son was invited to try out for a select travel lacrosse team.  He was dragging his feet because he felt he would never make it and when we saw the 150 kids at the try out, we kind of thought he was right.  But so what, if you don't try you cannot possible win.  And frankly the kid could use a little humility :-).  We found out he made the team and he is thrilled.  Nice lesson taught!

Same is true for me, but the outcome is different.  It seems it is harder as you get older to put yourself out there for scrutiny.  My son was afraid that he wouldn't make the team so he didn't want the perceived embarrassment or the confrontation of a weak skill set.  As a parent, it was easy for me to say so what as long as you try.  But for myself, I have a harder time.

I recently submitted a flash fiction piece for a contest.  I lost. Additionally, I submitted my resume for a potential job ( i know i know again I am feeling inconsequential).  Doesn't look like I will get the position.  Shouldn't the rejection get easier?  It doesn't and it takes more and more effort to keep trying.  I guess the earlier you develop coping skills the better off you will be.

So my coping skills with my recent failures will be called upon today.  Will go to spinning class because I know I can get through that.  Will probably try a new recipe because I know I can do that.  Will write an article to prove to myself I have some value.  Will work on that marketing document for my not-for-profit because it is important.

Will probably also eat a bag of oreos and mope.

Disappointment

So how do you prevent disappointment?  Is it inevitable?  Can you lessen the effects?

In light of our recent snowboarding incident, I have been thinking about expectations and the effects of being hopeful.  My son is so disappointed about being unable to board at club this season that I have to think how I can lessen the pain in the future.

I may think that the less you expect, the less disappointed you will be.  On one hand, low expectations could result in pleasant surprises. Like the time you are hopeful to retain your job in this poor economy, only to find that you are getting a significant raise. On the other hand, if your expectations are low you may not get the pleasure of anticipation.  Planning a vacation is a perfect example.  You review sites and schedule daily activities and count down to the flight.  Half the fun is thinking about how great it will be when you get there.

Then again if you expect too much you are constantly setting yourself up for disappointment.  Possibly living your life in the future instead of the present.  If you are expecting an amazing time at a New Year's Eve party and it is pretty lame, you are disappointed.  If you expected nothing, just the fact of seeing friends and counting down to 2010 would be enough.

It's not an absolute I am sure, but disappointment is a fact of life and a positive growing experience.  So instead of figuring out how to prevent it, I think I will teach my son how to recover from it.  At least he had the past 7 months to think about how terrific the snow season would be and I am sure that shook him out of some misery during the past year.